Page 54 of Keeping it Casual
“Hey,” Jeremy says softly.
“Hey.”
“How is he?”
I scrub my face. “Sore. And embarrassed. And I’m guessing he’s a bit sick of being lectured at.”
“You didn’t answer your phone, so I thought I’d drop in to see how everything is going.”
“My sister is here.” I say the words as if they’re a barrier to Jeremy, an excuse for not having to think about him and how unfair I was for not replying to him.
“Okay,” he says the word cautiously. “Can I meet her?”
I suck in a deep breath. “I think that’s outside the bounds of what we’re supposed to be doing here.”
He winces, and fuck, I feel a stab of pain myself.
Jeremy studies the ground for a few moments before raising his gaze to mine.
“Why did you call me?” he asks in a low voice.
“What?”
“Last night, was I the first person you called when you found out Lachie was being rushed to the hospital?”
Yes, he was. I swallow hard when I realize I called him even before I called Steph, the person who brought Lachie into this world.
“Yes,” I say.
His eyes search my face. “Why?”
I called him because he was the first person I thought about when I was upset.
I called him because he’s the person I always want by my side.
Those facts slide into my head, unprompted, unwanted.
But I can’t put a voice to them now.
“I don’t know,” I say instead.
Jeremy runs his hand through his hair. He blows out a breath before he fixes his gaze on me. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the best time, but I need to be honest with you about what I want. No, it’s not what I want. It’s what I need. Because I don’t think this is just a casual, friends-with-benefits thing we’ve got going on here. I don’t think it has been for some time.”
My heart hammers in my throat. Jeremy’s brave enough to address this. And it’s horrible because I’m going to disappoint him.
I hope he sees the regret on my face as I start to speak. “I can’t be what you want me to be, Jeremy. I can’t be a good boyfriend to you at the moment. I can’t be what you deserve.”
He exhales loudly.
“That’s bullshit, Dustin. Because we’ve been pretty much boyfriends for the last month, and it’s been more than good. It’s been amazing.” He takes a step back from me. “But if you’re in denial about what this is between us, if you can’t see how incredible we are together, then you’re right. You’re not what I deserve.”
He turns and walks down the path. Back out through the gate, past the spot where I first met him.
That moment when my life was turned upside down by a gorgeous physiotherapist holding a plate of strawberry muffins.
He doesn’t look back.
I stumble back into the house, the door closing behind me with a bang.
