Page 56 of Keeping it Casual
“What is it?”
I claw my hands through my hair. “I am so fucking in love with him.”
Stephanie’s gaze stays on me. “I know you are.”
“And I’ve been such an idiot.”
“Yeah, I think you have.”
My stomach hollows.
I’m correct in that Jeremy’s nothing like Robbie.
And what I feel for him is a hundred times more intense than what I ever felt for Robbie. It’s more intense than what I’ve felt for any man, ever.
I’ve found someone who is the first person I turn to when I want to laugh but also when I want to cry. How lucky am I?
And I would be the biggest fool in the world if I let that go.
The memory of the hurt on his face earlier, the hurt I’m responsible for, cuts at me.
Fuck.
I need to make it up to him.
I need to prove to Jeremy I can be everything he deserves.
Chapter 14
Jeremy
My righteous anger lasts about half a block before it turns into sadness and regret.
How can Dustin not see what this thing between us actually is? How can he not see how great together we are? How can he just throw us away?
I don’t have Lucy to distract me from my misery, just an empty house that seems to echo my footsteps on the wooden floorboards of the hallway. I can’t be inside right now, reminding myself of my lonely existence before I had Dustin to message, Dustin to talk to, Dustin to touch.
I try to lose myself in gardening. I stay in the front yard so I don’t spend all of my time looking toward Dustin’s house, attempting to gain x-ray vision to see through the fence and walls separating us, see if he’s anywhere near as upset over this as I am.
As I start weeding next to the driveway, I can’t help smiling at the hopscotch Lucy has drawn on the driveway, but then my smile fades as I stare at the wobbly chalk outline.
I split up my family so I could be true to myself andfind a relationship that was right for me on every level. And now I’ve found someone who fits the criteria of everything I’ve ever wanted. If only he felt the same way.
When I go to get the lawn mower out of the garden shed, I can’t help my eyes being drawn to the back fence. To the half-finished steps I started constructing so I could scale the fence to Dustin’s house easier.
The idea I’ll never get to touch or kiss Dustin again hollows out my chest.
It’s a small town. How will I cope with seeing Dustin around but being unable to be with him?
The day seems to stretch unending.
Finally, the sky starts to darken. I make some dinner, then stare forlornly into my plate of pasta. The concept of food seems beyond the reach of my stomach right now.
Just as I’m taking my plate to the sink to abandon it, there’s a knock on my door.
My heart leaps into my throat as I answer it.
It’s Dustin.
