Page 106 of Reckless Hearts
“I just didn’t sleep very well last night,” I say.
“Don’t forget, that face of yours is your meal ticket. And mine. You’ve got that Ralph Lauren shoot in two days. It doesn’t do either of us any good if you’re looking like you’re auditioning for a before picture in a skincare ad.”
“Maybe I’m trying to corner the market on the relatable-mess demographic.”
Jake just gives me a look.
“I’m going to introduce you to Ethan Steele tonight. Rumor has it he’s been offered a role in Nix Spencer’s upcoming filmShadows of the Fallen. It’ll be great if your name is in the conversation when they start talking about supporting roles.”
“Are you telling me I should make sure I charm him?” I ask.
“I’m telling you it might be worth your while to play nice with him.” Jake waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
I take a step back. “I’ve told you before, I’m in a relationship.”
“Yeah, but it’s an open relationship, right? Isn’t that how you guys do it?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Who exactly is ‘you guys?’”
Jake waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t get offended. Just most of the gay relationships I’ve known in Hollywood have always been open. I thought that was one of the advantages of being in a relationship with a guy. Guys get it.”
His words stop me short.
Even though Seb seemed happy to promise me exclusivity, I can’t help feeling guilty that all I can offer is seeing each other a few weekends a year at various locations around the world. But the thought of another guy touching him drives me absolutely crazy.
For me, abstaining from hooking up with other guys is easy. It goes back to the same problem I’ve always had. Dining on hamburgers after eating steak just leaves me craving more steak. I knew if I messed around with another guy, I’d be on the next plane home to New Zealand so I could physically touch Seb.
But Jake’s reaction reminds me of how unusual our situation is.
“Well, I’m an exception to your rule,” I say stiffly.
“I think you ought to reconsider that. Talk to your man about it. You know getting someone off can get you ahead in this game.”
“Do you ever actually listen to the words coming out of your mouth?” I ask.
Jake shrugs. “I don’t make the rules. Everything you do is about your career. Who you date, who you’re friends with, where you go on vacation, everything. I thought you understood that.”
I swallow hard. “I do understand that.”
“And you want to be the best. Don’t you, Marcus?”
My drive for universal adoration, wanting to get the best roles, be the best actor possible is the one constant in my career.
I want to be worthwhile. I want my life to mean something.
I want to atone.
“You know I want to be the best,” I say.
“Hey, I’m not saying you can’t be in an exclusive relationship if that’s what you want. But you need it to be with someone who can help your career. You need someone who will make social media go nuts when you post pictures of the two of you. You need someone who looks good on the red carpet next to you.”
“I need him,” I say quietly.
Jake looks at me, his eyes narrowing in a mix of confusion and concern.
“Marcus,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically gentle, “I get it. You think you’ve found something real. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this world, it’s that everything is temporary. Relationships, fame, success—it can all disappear in an instant.”
My heart starts to pound.
