Page 59 of Reckless Hearts
Especially for someone like me.
The darkness in my head, the memories that try to drag me down, are kept at bay by the constant adoration, the perpetual spotlight.
And my career means that away from the set, I have an already-built persona I can fall into. A charming and cocky movie star, always ready with a witty quip or a flirtatious smile.
Saskia leans in toward me. “Right. Now you’ve got to tell me all the Hollywood gossip. I want all the dirt.”
“What, you mean the dirt like the fact Vincent Smith is terrified of birds? They had to use CGI for all the pigeon scenes in his latest rom-com because he kept running off set screaming.”
Saskia tips her head back, laughing. “Really? Oh my god, that’s hilarious.”
I continue to fill my best friend in on the gossip I haven’t mentioned to her in our frequent messaging chats.
As the sun dips lower in the sky, more of Saskia’s friends join us by the pool for cocktails.
It’s interesting to see the way they regard me, alternating between staring openly and averting their gaze when I catch them looking. A girl with dark hair keeps not-so-subtly angling her phone for a selfie with me in the background.
Even the people I went to high school and law school with seem slightly starstruck as they ask questions about my life in Hollywood.
“So, Marcus.” Saskia’s friend Ana leans in, eyes sparkling. “What was it like kissing Min Li? Did you have to do many takes?”
I paste on my media-trained smile. “A gentleman never kisses and tells. But I will say Min is a consummate professional.”
Ana giggles.
“But as you know, kissing girls hasn’t ever really done it for me,” I add.
At that moment, the universe decides to throw at me the one person who definitely does do it for me.
Seb.
The cocktails swirl in my stomach.
He looks both familiar and different as he walks across the deck with his parents.
He’s filled out slightly and his stride is more assured than seven years ago. And he’s wearing wire-rimmed glasses, which make him look older.
But when he laughs at something his dad says, his deep chuckle is so familiar. And as he comes closer, I can read the print on his T-shirt:Science: It’s like Magic but Real.
For a second, I forget how to breathe. My heart does a complicated gymnastics routine in my chest, and I grip my drink tighter to stop my hand from shaking.
Saskia’s off her lounger, moving to hug her family.
Shit.
I’d convinced myself the feelings I had for Seb were delusions, that I’d spent a few months pretending to be something I wasn’t. Pretending to be the kind of guy who could actually be in a relationship, be a decent boyfriend.
But seeing Seb now, all the memories I’ve tried so hard to suppress swamp me. The warmth of Seb’s body pressed against mine as we lie in bed together. How his skin was so soft I couldn’t help tracing patterns on it. That feeling of peace I used to have when I held him. A feeling I’ve never been able to replicate in any other way.
Oh, holy fuck.
But I’m not the same person I was seven years ago.
Looking at Seb now, I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or not.
15
Seb
