Page 117 of The Revenge Game
That it could be so simple and straightforward.
For a second, I imagine Justin and me as a couple. A future where we get to wake up to his cats demanding breakfast, spend late nights watching comedy shows, and have more quiet moments where I get to see all the sides of him the rest of the world doesn’t.
Happiness floods through me before reality crashes in. Every moment I’m picturing is still built on a lie.
Justin’s finally been brave enough to show the world who he really is while I’m still hiding behind a mask.
Besides, a future with Justin is not my plan. My plan is to help Justin find his stride with his sexuality, to undo some of the damage Bobby Ray did.
And it’s working. He’s just kissed a guy for the first time in public, coming out to his colleagues at the same time. Judging by all the backslapping and grins among the sales team right now, it’s been a positive experience.
The Christmas lights catch on Justin’s hair, turning him into some kind of festive angel, which isn’t helping my ability to think straight.
He meets my gaze from across the room.
And suddenly, he’s moving in that effortless way he has, like gravity itself has decided to give him preferential treatment. Several people try to catch his attention, but his eyes stay fixed on me.
“Hey.” His grin spreads like a sunrise, transforming his usual polished charm into something wild and wonderful.
“Everything good?” I catch myself unconsciously mirroring his smile before remembering all the reasons I shouldn’t, my face settling into something that probably looks more like indigestion.
“Everything is great,” Justin says.
“I’m glad.”
And I am glad. I’m so happy Justin’s coming out has gone well and the sales department has embraced him without hesitation. It’s what he deserves.
It’s what I deserved in high school too.
“You know what’s weird?” Justin’s voice is soft. “After so many years of pretending, suddenly, being myself feels like the easiest thing in the world.”
My throat tightens. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I used to feel like there was a giant disconnect between who I was at work and who I was in the rest of my life.” He ducks his head. “But you’ve helped me bridge that gap.”
Guilt churns in my stomach. “I haven’t done anything.”
“You have though. You’ve shown me what it looks like when someone’s comfortable in their own skin.”
Oh, the fucking irony right now.
Justin’s smiling at me, his face so open and trusting.
How the hell did I get here?
I started this wanting to get revenge on the golden boy who made my life hell, but somewhere between his cats adopting me and him trusting me with his deepest secrets, I’ve managed to hurt us both in entirely new ways. Justin thanking me for teaching him authenticity would be amusing if it wasn’t currently breaking my heart.
Justin deserves someone who can match his courage, not someone who’s been lying to him since day one.
“Do you want to go out after this?” I say abruptly.
Justin’s forehead creases. “Out where?”
“To a club or something?”
This is what I need to do. I need to follow through on my plan. The plan is to make Justin comfortable with his sexuality and then help him meet other guys.
“I didn’t know you like to dance,” Justin says.
