Page 124 of The Revenge Game
All those years spent building my empire, proving to the world that the geeky gay kid could make it big, and now I’d trade it all just to keep being the guy Justin trusts enough to share about his stepfather, the one he lets see past his golden-boy smile to the uncertain places underneath.
The Christmas tree lights reflect in his eyes, turning them this impossible shade of blue-green that always reminds me of the ocean. The faintest hint of a dimple appears on his right cheek, which only shows up when his smile is completely genuine.
He reaches over, and for the umpteenth time today, he straightens my crown.
My stomach churns.
I can’t do this anymore.
Forget about my plan to offer Xander another job before resigning because I can’t pretend this has only been casual, that this is something I can walk away from without looking back. How much will I scar him if I do that?
Which leaves me with only one option. I need to tell him the truth.
Tell him the truth, and hope he somehow manages to forgive me.
As I’m internally agonizing,Die Hardis finishing up.
“I always like a story where someone gets to be the hero they never thought they could be,” Justin says, watching John McClane reunite with Holly. “Where someone proves everyone wrong about who they really are.”
“Even if they have to crawl through broken glass to do it?” I ask.
“Sometimes that’s what it takes.”
“We all want to be heroes of our own lives,” I say. The words catch in my throat because, right now, I’m the villain pretending to be the hero.
Justin bites his lip. “I’ve been thinking lately about how I actually used to be more of a villain than a hero.”
I snap my head to look at him. His thoughts echo my own so closely that it’s like watching my guilty conscience speak through his lips.
“What do you mean?” I choke out.
“When you told me about being bullied in high school…” He swallows hard, staring down at his hands. “I was that guy, Drew. I was the one making other kids’ lives hell. I knew it was wrong, and I still did it.”
Finally. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? For Justin to regret what he did to me. To feel guilt.
And now that it’s playing out exactly how I planned, all I want to do is comfort him.
“You were dealing with your own stuff,” I say softly.
Justin’s gaze fixes on me and there’s anguish in his eyes. “That’s not an excuse though, is it? I mean, Bobby Ray was making my life hell, and instead of breaking that chain, I just passed it on. There was this kid…” His voice catches. “He was smart, into computers. He’s actually been really successful. Apparently, he started his own company and everything.” Justin blows out a deep breath. “But he was skinny, geeky, and gay, so we tormented him. I never actually threw a punch, but god, the things we said to him, the way we laughed. I think about him sometimes, wonder if he still carries those scars like I carry mine from Bobby Ray.”
The rawness in his voice undoes me.
My fingers dig into the couch cushions. The Christmas tree lights blur into dancing spots as tears threaten to escape.
Here Justin is, laying bare his regrets about bullying someone exactly like me, while I sit here letting him pour out his guilt without telling him the full truth.
The irony would be almost poetic if it didn’t make me feel like I’m about to throw up.
Justin’s wearing a paper crown and looking at me with such naked remorse that it feels like my chest might crack open.
The truth is on the tip of my tongue. I can’t hold it back.
I straighten, pressing my hands to my eyes.
“That kid you bullied…that was me.”
The words spill out of me like a dam breaking. My voice sounds younger somehow, as if Teenage Andrew has finally found his courage to speak.
