Page 127 of The Revenge Game
I’m almost manic as I type my reply.
Massive congratulations! At some point, I may need to chat with you about what happens when you fall in love with your enemy from high school…
After I press send, I put my phone down, watching it clatter against my coffee table like it’s personally offended me.
The screen lights up with Matthew’s and Liam’s happy faces again. Their joy feels like an accusation, proof that redemption is possible if you’re brave enough to be honest.
Unfortunately, I’ve never been brave enough to be honest.
And the word enemy feels like it’s reaching from my phone to mock me. I’d thought Justin was my enemy. But life isn’t black and white. It’s not the movies, where there is a clear hero and villain. Justin is not Sauron. I’m not Frodo.
My simplistic view of people is what got me into this mess.
Justin is a complex, multifaceted person. And yes, part of his past includes the version of him who bullied me. But he’s also the guy who makes me feel seen in ways I never thought possible. Who makes me want to be better than my revenge plot.
I came to the UK to try to find myself. To work out what I wanted to do with my life. But somehow, I’ve found so much more.
I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But this can’t go on.
I talked to Justin about the proverb that describes the battle between the good and the bad wolf. The one that wins is the one you feed.
I’ve been feeding the wrong wolf, and now, it’s coming back to bite me.
My phone starts to chime, pulling me out of the spiral of terrible metaphors.
It’s Leo. I grab it.
“Merry Christmas,” I choke out.
“What’s wrong?”
The fact he can instantly tell something is wrong with me probably says a lot about my current state.
“What is it, Andrew? Did something happen with Justin?”
I try to get enough control over my voice so I can answer him.
“Yes. Something happened,” I manage finally.
“What is it?”
Tears prickle my eyelids. “I love him.” My voice is a whisper, a scratch on the air.
“Oh my god, Andrew. And he still doesn’t know who you are?”
“No.”
“Does he feel the same way about you?”
“Yes. He told me he loves me.”
Leo inhales a sharp breath. “What the hell are you going to do?”
“I need to tell him.”
“Yes, you do.”
“But when I tell him, he’ll break it off with me. And I can’t stand to lose him.” I take a shuddering breath. “He’s…the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I’ll hurt him so much when he finds out the truth. I can’t bear to think how much I’m going to hurt him.”
