Page 18 of Wagon Train Dreams
What word could describe how they were? How could she explain what made Peter different? “The ones close to my age seemed insincere. When Peter insisted on paying attention to me, he treated me differently. He talked to me about serious things. Read passages from the books he’d enjoyed. Gave me newspapers to read and made suggestions as to which stories I’d find most interesting. He talked about dreams and goals and the future.” Her throat tightened, but she forced herself to go on. “A future that ended when he died so unexpectedly.”
This time, she had to pause to let go of the horror of his death. “When he asked me to marry him, I refused. I was reluctant to leave home, but he made me realize the younger girls no longer needed my time and attention.”
“I’d say he saw you needed rescuing.”
She leaned back to look into Joe’s eyes. “You misunderstand. I didn’t feel trapped in any way. My family is very important to me.”
“As it should be. But—” His eyes smiled. “You deserved your own life.”
She straightened. The pond deepened to navy in the failing light. “And now I am alone except for Petey.”
“And your family.”
“I know. I couldn’t survive without them.” At his study of her, she stiffened, then raised her chin to meet his gaze. “What?”
“I think”—his words came slowly—“you are strong enough to survive just about anything.”
“Strong? You see me as strong?”
At last, the smile in his eyes curved his lips. “You don’t?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer. “A young mother decides to travel across the country by wagon. She helps in every way she can. She?—”
“She tells a certain young man she intends to pursue him?”
That brought laughter from him and heat to her cheeks.
She ducked to hide from his knowing gaze. “I’m sorry. I am far too bold.”
He turned away. His expression flattened. “You may regret your decision.”
“I refuse to let worries about the future rob me of the present.” How could she make this plainer to him? “When Pa lay sick and dying”—she drew in a shuddering breath—“I was concerned about my future. My husband was gone. The store he hadn’t yet paid for had gone back to the previous owner. My father soon passed away. A new baby. Peter had bought a house, so I had that.” She’d clung to that security. “I vowed to do everything necessary for Petey’s good, but could I do it on my own?”
She pushed aside the persistent reminder that one thing she’d decided Petey needed was a permanent home. One such as both she and Peter had known growing up. But then she’d sold her house to join the others on this journey, so maybe she wasn’t as committed to the idea as she ought to be. “I talked to Pa about it, knowing he’d give me good advice, and he did.” Even now, Pa’s encouragement warmed her heart. “He said I was stronger than I knew and braver than I realized.”
“I quite agree.” He’d already told her so, but it wasn’t easy to believe.
“Pa reminded me of the many times I’d stepped in to help with Bertie and then Irene and Ruby. He said I had the courage of a lion. I just had to realize it.” Amusement bubbled from her.“I should write those words on a piece of paper and pull it out from time to time to remind me.”
Would Pa approve of her seeking Joe’s friendship? Would he see the possibilities? See that Joe was a good man?
Or would he worry about the consequences?
A scene flashed into her thoughts. “I remember Pa taking Bertie to the store. Some in the community thought Bertie should be hidden away from others. Seeing a big man with the mind of a child made them uncomfortable. But Pa didn’t let it stop him. He said their problem couldn’t be allowed to be a problem for Bertie. He wanted Bertie to learn to go to the store without fear, so he ignored those murmurs of disapproval.”
Pa would have felt the same about Joe. What others thought didn’t have to be a problem for them.
But what were Joe’s plans? Perhaps she ought to learn that before she allowed her heart to lead her any further. Pa might accuse her of cowardice in that decision, but she must have a home. And she didn’t mean one on wheels that rolled from one fort to another. On the other hand, neither of them had made a commitment at this point. They had plenty of time to learn about each other and to enjoy talking and sharing.
That was enough for now. Wasn’t it?
She wouldn’t admit the truth.
Chapter Five
Darkness obscured the trees and drifted over the water. It was time to get Hazel back to the safety of the wagons and her family. She clung to his arm as they left the pond. This felt so right.
But he knew the dangers. The risks. The pain when hurtful words were spoken. She’d already suffered enough pain with the loss of her husband, a good man whom she admired and loved.
She talked like her pa would have encouraged her to ignore what other people did and said. Bertie was a different matter. Bertie was a son. A wise father would point out that she didn’t need to do something toinvitecriticism and cruelty.
