Page 33 of Montana Bride By Christmas
Hugh shifted and folded his legs in front of him. “Don’t look at it as a failure. After all, he joined us of his own accord, and he’s a lot more responsive than a few days ago.”
“I’m going to bed,” Grandfather announced. “My old bones are tired.”
Annie shifted to allow him to get up and watched as he made his way down the hall. Worry about him and concern about Evan knotted inside her.
Hugh reached over and squeezed her hand. “We’ll take one day at a time, letting Evan set the pace.”
She shuddered. She’d pulled life tight around her, closing herself to love, seeking safety and security, yet she could well lose Grandfather soon. “Everyone I care about dies or leaves.”She hadn’t meant to speak her fears aloud. “Seems to me the safest thing is not to let myself care anymore.” She meant not anyone new. “If Grandfather—” She shook her head as her throat tightened so she couldn’t go on.
He squeezed her hand. “Life is full of uncertainty. I know I don’t need to tell you there is only one thing we can count on. God’s faithfulness. Has He not upheld you through your many losses?”
She swallowed loudly. “He has. And I know I should trust Him more. but sometimes it’s hard. Every time I lose someone, I lose a part of my heart. How many times can a piece be torn off before I have nothing left?” Perhaps she’d already reached that point.
His hand, warm and firm against hers, offered something she wanted, though she could not for the life of her say what it was. Nor could she explain why she turned her palm to his and gripped his hand so hard she wouldn’t blame him if he withdrew. To her immense relief, he only squeezed back as if offering her a lifeline.
“Loss hurts,” he said softly, his voice like a balm. “And I believe it leaves a scar, but don’t they say that scar tissue is stronger than untested flesh?”
“Scar tissue is ugly and inflexible.”
He considered her, his eyes so probing that she wondered if he saw right to the center of her heart where she had buried secrets. And denied dreams.
“I would venture to say we can’t get through life without some scarring.” His words reminded her of what Pa said. Life goes on.
She looked at the little shirt and the pair of trousers in her lap. “We need to get Evan to bed.” She pulled her hand back and got to her feet, intending to rush to the kitchen. Instead, unableto explain her actions, she waited until he rose, and they went side by side. He held back at the door and let her go first.
The storybook stood on the shelf, and she pulled it down. There was still hot chocolate left, and she divided it three ways and gave everyone two cookies then sat down to read the next story.
Her thoughts refused to concentrate on the words she read.
She did not want any more scar tissue. Did not want the wounds that led to the scars. Did not want the loving that made the wounds possible.
Except that meant she would not have known Mama’s love. She couldn’t regret that.
The one love she did regret was the one she’d given too freely to Rudy.
She finished the story, knowing what it was about only because she’d heard it many times before.
Hugh prayed.
His words of blessing and trust replaced her troubled thoughts.
“Time for bed, son,” Hugh spoke so gently, kindly to Evan that yearning rose up inside Annie.
She pushed it away. No reason she should wish for that same regard. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know love and caring from her pa, her grandfather, and her brothers.
Evan sat immobile on his mat, and Hugh scooped the boy into his arms.
Evan struggled.
Annie followed the pair as far as the bedroom door, then turned and fled back to the living room, where she gathered up the picnic remains and took them to the kitchen. She was still there, putting away the last of things when Hugh returned.
“He’s already curled up with the quilt tucked around him. Did you think he put up less of a fight tonight?” The desperate hope in his voice drew her gaze to him.
Poor Hugh. How it must hurt to see his son like this—to wonder if Evan would ever be normal.
She smiled at him. “Remember the advice you gave me.”
His eyebrows went up, and his eyes begged for explanation...and something more.
