Page 52 of Redeemed in Crimson
I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, my breathing shaky as I try to make him understand. “You haveno ideawhat they’re like. They aren’t just going to accept us. And if they know we’re living together, they’ll yank me back home so fast you wouldn’t believe.”
He practically growls on an exhale as his eyes darken. “Nobody. And I mean it.Nobody.Is taking you away from me and our home. Ipromiseyou that. Let’s just have you spend a night there, get them up to speed with everything, then wecan all come back here…”
“No! No, Ledger. You’ll understand more when you meet them, but this is not a fight I’m willing to have with them right now. It’s too much, and as much as I want to just ignore them and live my life…they’re still my parents, and I have to respect them. It’s not worth it to rock the boat so much at one time. I’m going to pack, and I need to be at my apartment when they get into town.”
I turn to leave, but before I can get away, he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling my back to his chest. “Don’t go,” he says, leaning down to trail kisses from my shoulder to my ear. Spinning me in his arms, he drops his forehead against mine. “Let’s go for a ride. I want to take you somewhere.”
All I can do is nod as I try to get my breathing in check, but it’s enough for him to pick me up and carry me to the garage. It takes no time to get our riding gear on, and before I know it, I’m being lifted onto the seat of my favorite bike…the sleek black-and-red beauty that caught my eye months ago.
We’ve gone on enough rides that I’m used to being Ledger’s backpack. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight before running my fingers up and down his washboard abs. My touch usually results in us pulling off the road somewhere safe and out of sight for a quickie, and I love that I have that effect on him. But today seems different. He grabs one of my hands and interlocks our fingers, holding it against him before returning it to the handlebar, his attention locked on the winding road in front of us.
After an hour of unfamiliar turns, we pull up to a beautiful estate, well away from the hustle and bustle of the city. If the unusually silent ride wasn’t enough of a tell, the palpabletension building around Ledger would be enough to know that this place must be important.
He picks me up off the bike and sets me on the ground, then proceeds to take off my helmet. I'm about to ask where we are when he finally breaks the silence. “This is where I grew up.”
“Wow…this is beautiful,” I say as I look around, taking everything in.
“Yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck as he looks down at his feet. “It’s Henry’s now, but we are all welcome to come and go as we please. I haven’t been back in…well…years, probably.”
“Oh…”
I’m at a loss for words. He’s told me stories of his childhood, all of them positive, but I know from Blanche that it wasn’t always so. And I can tell by his demeanor that being here must be hard. Instead of asking one of the hundred questions I have about what we’re doing, I grab his hand and lace our fingers together, letting him know he’s not alone anymore.
Immediately, he pulls me against his chest, crushing me against his body before scooping me up. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
We walk at least half a mile before he sets me down on a wooden dock overlooking a lake behind the enormous house. I take my shoes and socks off and pull up my leggings so I can put my feet in the water. “Is this where you used to bring all your old girlfriends?”
I hear him chuckle behind me as he follows suit, removing his shoes, and before I know it, his body is wrapped around mine. “No, baby, I never brought girls home. You’re the firstperson I’ve brought here. I used to come to this spot when I was feeling sad… ”
I lay my head back on his shoulder, waiting for him to continue.
“Dad used to bring Henry and me here to fish when we were younger. Before Jack came to live with us and before Margot was born, when it was just the two of us. It stopped when I was around five, but those are some of the only fond memories I have of him. When I started kindergarten, things changed. I was…different…than Henry. He was so polished and perfect, and I wasn’t. Soon after, Jack moved in, and then Margot was born. Things were never the same.
“He already had his perfect son in my brother, and then he had a baby girl to gush over, taking his attention and most of his patience. Jack entertained me for the most part, but the hole was still there. I guess I found that acting out was the only way to get any attention and started causing more and more trouble. It created a cycle of toxic behavior for both of us until there was no way out…I was his disappointment, and boy, did I live up to it. If he was going to be ashamed of me, I was going to give him a reason to.”
Ledger’s voice breaks, and I can hear the evidence of pain. I want to turn around and wipe the tears I know will be falling down his cheeks, but he squeezes me tighter.
“I always talked a big game about hating my father…I still do. But…but I used to come here and remember. He would toss us in the water, and while I loved it, Henry didnot.We would be in tears laughing at how mad Henry would get. We would always stay until both Henry and I caught a fish. It didn’t matter how small it was, Dad would act so excited.Anyway…yeah, I would come out here and remember what it was like for him to be proud of me… what it was like for him to love me…”
Breaking out of his grip, I turn in his arms to face him, wiping the tears from his face while I fight back my own. “Oh Ledger…I’m so sorry…I…”
A half smile forms on his face as he tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “It’s okay, sweet girl. I’m not telling you this to make you sad. After years of therapy, I’m starting to come to terms with things. I know he loved me in his own way. I just want you to know that I understand that parents can suck sometimes.”
His masculinity has never been so apparent as he pours his heart out to me, crying shamelessly in my arms. I’m caught between wanting to ride him or confront him until sadness flashes in his eyes again, making up my mind for me.
I gently run my fingers through his hair before caressing his face. “What is it?”
“It’s going to sound silly…because I know your relationship with them is rocky, but you not wanting to bring them around hurt in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’ve never had a woman before, and I’m so proud of you, baby. I’m proud of our house and our life. I want to show it off to everyone I’ve ever met…and I’m having a hard time not thinking you’re ashamed of me when you don’t want to do the same.”
“I’m not ashamed of you,” I say, taking his face in my hands. “I love you so much. I…I’m just trying to manage these changes at a reasonable pace for my parents' sake.”
“I know, love. And I want you to know that I understand and that I’m here for you. But I still believe that any parentshould be happy to see their daughter loved and provided for. Because I will take care of you. I’ll love you and cherish you every day. I promise you that. And when we have kids of our own, I promise that I’ll love and cherish every one of them as well.”
I nod as he wipes the tears now falling freely down my face before kissing me on my brow and turning me around in his arms. “I know that this will be difficult for everyone involved, but it’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this together. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
“I love you so much. Thank you so much for sharing this,” I whisper, laying my head against him again as he holds me tight.
“I love you too.”
