Page 57 of When I Come Back
Before I fully make the decision that I’m ready to walk over to him, he turns around, spotting me. A smile lights up his face which only confuses me.
“I was starting to wonder if you’d told me to come out here so you could make a run for it.” He laughs, trying to play it off, but I can tell he’s at least half-serious.
“No, I just ran into Ripley. I asked him to keep everyone away from the patio while we talk.”
“Smart,” he responds.
“Yeah… so, I—I guess this is goodbye, right? That’s why you brought me out here?” I say, a few steps separating us. As soon as he registers my words, he comes toward me, closing the distance.
“What? No. I mean, yes. But only for a week or so.”
I scoff. “Cary, please don’t feed me anymore lies. I’m really not in the mood. And I’m not falling for any of them.” Looking back, I realize I’d been the only one to say I love you. He’d talked about the past and how much he’d missed me, but he’d never outright told me how he felt now. I should have questioned it, but I was blinded by my own love for him.
“I’m not lying. I’m coming back. I want—I fuckingneedto make this work with you. I can’t go on the way I was before. I see now what was missing,” he says as he reaches for my hand, but I pull it back.
“I appreciate you expressing your wants and needs. It seems like talking about emotions is easier for you now, but I just… don’t believe you. You love Seattle and your life there. I’d never ask you to give it up for me. Even if you are telling the truth and you do leave it all for me without me asking, you’ll just end up resenting me.” That is what scares me the most. Him choosing me then deciding it isn’t the right choice.
“You don’t have to believe me. But I am coming back, and when I come back, fighting for you and for us, it’s all I’ll do. I’ve just got some loose ends to tie up,” he pushes, saying the same thing his note said. The words sound menacing now when before, they seemed innocent.
“Loose ends, right. Like afiancée.”
“I’m going to make this right, Thea. I won’t lose you a second time,” he pleads.
“This hurts too much, Cary. Just… go back to Seattle. Talk to your soon-to-be wife. I’m sure she’ll take you back.” I pull out the ring Iris left behind and drop it into his hand before I start to turn away. He grabs the back of my arm.
“Fuck, Thea. Would you just listen to me?” he grits into my ear. “I will be back. It may take me a week or two, but I am not giving up on us.”
I turn around in his arms, placing mine around his neck as I push up on my toes to reach his ear. “Goodbye, Carrington.”
I break away from the hug as quickly as I pulled him in. I just needed to feel his arms wrapped around me once more before I let go forever. I don’t let him stop me this time as I walk back into RED, immediately finding Ripley and telling him everything.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Carrington
It’s about fifteen degrees cooler in Seattle when I land, and I wish I had thought to bring a jacket. It was just another thing I seemed to have forgotten when I boarded the plane to South Carolina three weeks ago.
I’m torn when I step outside of the airport terminal and wait in line for an Uber. Everything here feels like home. The damp, chilly air, Mt. Rainier in the distance. It’s the home I’ve built for myself over the last thirteen years, putting my blood, sweat, and tears into making something of myself here. And although everything seems familiar and welcoming, inside I’m restless, like a string pulled too tight, ready to snap. I feel like I’ve forgotten something important back in South Carolina. It’s taking all of my effort not to turn around and go back into the airport to find the next flight back.
I texted Iris before take off, letting her know my plans to come back have not changed. I told her I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but I do have to stop by the apartment to pickup some things. Thankfully, Seth has agreed to let me stay in his spare room while I’m here. He refrained from outright chewing me out again over the phone, but I’m sure I can look forward to it when I see him later today.
As I ride in silence in my Uber through the city to my apartment, I’m taken back to the memories I’ve created here. Somehow the only ones I can recall all center around Thea. Nights out eating dinner, dancing in random bars until closing time, finding all the best dessert spots, quiet rainy days spent on the couch. I somehow managed to ruin everything. Even still, I’m determined to find a way to get her to forgive me. It’s a tall order, but knowing she still loves me—and I refuse to entertain the idea that she changed her mind—I can’t just go back to my life here.
I have no life here if she’s not in it.
By the time the car pulls up to my building, it’s drizzling. I thank the driver, make sure to tip him well for the long trip, and hurry into the lobby and elevator. When I unlock the door to the apartment, I see Iris sitting on the couch under a blanket, TV off, takeout cartons on the coffee table in front of her. She looks up at me, and even with her splotchy face and eyes swollen from tears, she’s poised and beautiful. It’s something that initially drew my attraction to her. She always seemed effortless and in command of any situation. Having her attention made me feel special, as if I could say,hey, she chose me.
I hate myself for what I’ve done to her. Despite her posh exterior, she’s the kindest person I know. Her innate goodness just amplifies the disgust I feel with myself for hurting her.
I awkwardly wave and make my way to the bedroom we shared without a word. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible. Give her some semblance of peace.
I collect more clothes, packing a suitcase, so I have more than just the duffle I traveled to Indigo Hill with. I’ll have to set upmovers to pack up and move my things into storage until I figure out how I can either get rid of them or ship them to the other side of the country. Most of the furniture belonged to Iris before we moved in together, and I’m happy to leave anything we bought together here. It’s all her style anyway.
I pause when I get to the bathroom. Leaning my hands on the counter, I look at myself in the mirror. I feel a headache coming on—the result of the lack of sleep over the last few days and the uncertainty of the next few weeks. I stare for a few more minutes, taking some deep breaths. Then I grab the last of my toiletries, go back out to the bedroom, and drop them into the open suitcase.
Looking around the room, I realize, besides some seasonal clothes in the closet and a handful of books out in the living room, my belongings have fit into this bag. I get the sinking feeling that I’ve been on my way out since the day I moved in. With a sigh, I zip up the luggage.
When I make my way back to the front door, I look to the living room and see Iris hasn’t moved, but she seems more put-together now. I take a few steps into the room.
