Page 82 of Fighting for You
Our breathing is erratic, both of us sweating and panting. I lean down and press a line of kisses to her back before pulling out of her. Margot collapses onto the bed, and I fall down next to her.
“Thank you,” she says, her voice still breathy.
I don’t respond. I’m not sure what to say.You’re welcome for fucking your brains out?“I’ll go grab a washcloth,” I say instead, climbing off the bed and walking into the bathroom. Once I’m back, I run it along her legs, gathering the mess from her skin. After throwing it onto the overflowing laundry basket, I crawl back into bed with her. We lie there for what feels like forever before I realize she’s fallen asleep.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Brooks
Waking up next to Margot is paradise. I’m not sure I believe Heaven exists, but if it does, this is what it would feel like. Her cherry-lilac scent wafts over me, wrapping around me like a blanket, enveloping me in everything Margot. I never want to leave. I’d gladly lie here for the rest of my life.
Her leg is draped over my hips, but when I open my eyes to confess—well, everything—the look on her face tells me she’s pissed. The usual gleam in her eyes is gone, and there’s not a hint of excitement in her expression about finding me in her bed this morning. At least she looks rested, not the husk of a human I found yesterday.
“Morning, Freckles,” I say in an attempt to make her smile. She doesn’t.
“Nope.”
Okay. This feels like an alternate reality. If I hadn’t woken up inherbed, I’d wonder if last night was a dream. My confusion must be evident.
“I’m still mad at you,” she says matter-of-factly.
Right. Our fuckfest last night kind of erased the whole she’s-pissed-at-me-and-may-never-speak-to-me-again thing from my brain.
“That’s fair. I deserve that.”
Margot sits up, pulling the sheet up to cover her chest, and the warmth I felt with her cocooned around me dissipates, leaving me feeling empty again. I hate it.
“I was an asshole.”
“You were.” No beating around the bush with this one then.
“And I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. But you aren’t exactly innocent either,” I say, not willing to let it go this time.
She crosses her arms over her chest. I’m not sure if her intent is to make her tits more prominent, but that’s the result. “Me? You’re the one who told me you wanted to try, and then pretty much ghosted me for half a week until I found you with Tiffany. What didIdo?” she asks, clearly forgetting her own shortcomings in this whole thing.
“Don’t play ignorant. You neglected to mention you were a virgin; that was a big fucking deal. I should have known. I would have—I don’t know—done things differently. Made it special or some shit. Then I find out you’ve got a fucking stalker? What the hell were you thinking not telling me? You want everyone to treat you like an adult—well, news flash—running away from an issue isn’t exactly adult behavior, Margot. When were you going to ask for help?” I’m being cruel and hypocritical, I know. But being nice and coddling her isn’t going to work. She needs someone to call her out on her bullshit, just like I need her to call me out on mine.
“I didn’t think I needed help! I left, and I came here. Hayes is here. I never thought he’d follow me,” she retorts, her hands flying to her face to cover her eyes. There’s a quiet moment before she releases a sob.
“I know, baby, I know,” I say as I pull her hands from her face, her tear-streaked cheeks breaking my heart just like last night. “Do you know how fucking scared I was yesterday when I realized what was going on? What you were dealing with alone… I hated myself for not seeing it. The signs were all there. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I plead, still needing to know why she chose to keep this from me when I could have helped sooner. We could have avoided all of this.
Through a hiccup, she says, “I-I was coming to tell you.” My brows furrow in confusion, and she continues, “The night of the Jingle Mingle. That’s… that’s when I found out for sure he’d found me…” There’s just a fraction of a second before her next words are shattering my heart. “But then I saw you with Tiffany. And you—you let her… she kissed you…” Her voice trails off as she looks away, her expression pure dejection, her words sounding smaller and quieter like she lost her nerve halfway through the sentence.
I push the bedding off of me, turning my body and sitting cross legged so I can face her. Pulling her arms away from her body, I lace my fingers through hers. “I know. I… Fuck. I panicked. Everything was so good, and I got all in my head about it,” I say as I gently squeeze her hands. “I thought if I pushed you away and messed this up, maybe it would save me from getting hurt when you inevitably come to your senses and leave me.”
Her face scrunches up in confusion. “Leave you?”
I pull my gaze down to our intertwined hands, drawing my thumb back to trace the lines of her palm. Clearing my throat, I start again, “You have the ability to wreck me, Margot. And I know, I know it sounds like a cop out. You don’t have to believe me, but I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been consumed by another person the way I am with you.”
I pause, still never meeting her eyes. I keep mine trained on the intricate lines of her palm. I feel her staring at me though.Taking another deep breath, I continue, “I know there’s a chance you won’t forgive me. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t.” Her body tenses at my words. “I just mean, it won’t be the last time I fuck up. I’m far from perfect, but what I did was really shitty. So I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Brooks—”
I finally look up, cutting her off before she can say much else, “Let me get this out, Freckles, then you can break my heart, okay? I just need to say this.”
She nods her head, tears lining her eyes. God, I hope they don’t fall. I’d do anything to never see her cry again. I look back down at our hands, I won’t be able to get this out if I see one of those tears cascade down her cheek.
“I uhh… I don’t feel very deserving of much. And I’m fucking terrified to want something and be let down. I’m terrified to want you. My actions are not excusable, but I really do think the fear of losing you scared me so much I figured I’d get it over with before I was too far gone. I’m an idiot for thinking I wasn’talreadytoo far gone though.” I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “God, I’m such a dumbass. I should have told you how I felt before so maybe you wouldn’t hate me now. Although, maybe you would have just laughed if I had. I’m sure falling in love with someone like me was never in your five-year plan or whatever.”
