Page 13 of Party Animal
Every time Paul or Joey mentioned the club, I pled exhaustion.I wasn’t interested in drinking or dancing.I knew that wouldn’t help my mood.After a few days, I asked Paul if he heard from Lee.He hadn’t.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about him.Could I have done something that drove him away?Once the thought popped into my head, I couldn’t get rid of it.Despite what I do for a living, and all the men salivating over me, I have a deeply buried fear of being unlovable.Hey, who doesn’t have baggage?It’s not so strange.After all, my own parents had rejected me, and that sting of rejection has been with me all my life.It’s why I only have a few close friends and no real romances to speak of.Being vulnerable scares the shit out of me.If I let someone too close, they’d find out I was flawed and head for the hills.Except in bed.There I excel.Used to excel.I gave men what they wanted, and they kept coming back.
But Lee had seen me in action and he still wasn’t interested in fucking me.Maybe that was the problem.He didn’t want used goods.Or maybe he was afraid he’d come up short.Some men thought it was a competition.I’d been there before.All this speculating was turning me inside out, and it didn’t even matter, because I’d never see him again.Maybe it was better that way.I wasn’t the man I used to be.
Three weeks went by, and I was still thinking about Lee.Then I got a call from Paul.
“Lee is coming back.”
“What?When?”
“This weekend.Do you think we can get a surprise party ready in four days?”
“I, uh…”
“We’ll decorate his apartment.You know, welcome home signs and all that shit.I can spread the word at the studio.The guys will always show up for a party.It shouldn’t be too difficult.”
I got up the nerve to ask the question that was nagging at me.“What if he brings his boyfriend with him?The dude might not be happy about coming home to a crowd of pretty boys.”
“That’s over and done, Casey.He went back for closure.”
My relief was overwhelming.I had to admit I still wanted him.It was the first time in weeks that I’d actually felt desire and anticipation.Not that I expected Lee to jump into bed with me, but it felt good to know my libido wasn’t completely dead.“Okay, tell me how I can help.”
* * *
We heard Lee’s key in the lock and everybody hid.The door opened and Lee flicked the light switch on.Everyone jumped up and yelled.“Surprise!”There was a satisfying moment when Lee’s face appeared blank with confusion.Then he sported a grin from ear to ear.
The guys made a beeline towards him, bombarding him with hugs.I hung back, consumed by my own thoughts, so when he approached and hugged me, it took me by surprise.I was even more surprised when he kissed me.His kiss stole my words, which was a good thing because I couldn’t think straight.I parted my lips and let him slide his tongue in my mouth.I sucked on it, giving him a clue of what I’d like next.He did the same.It was one hell of a kiss and when he finally pulled back, I was breathless.
I stared at him, but I couldn’t read his expression.For once, I was speechless.How dare he disappear for weeks and then kiss me like that?I wanted to make a smartass remark, but I couldn’t think of anything.Then, Paul pulled him away and put a glass of champagne in his hand.I grabbed a glass, too, and drank half of it before Paul made the toast.
“Welcome back, Lee.There’s a time for speech making but this isn’t it.Let’s party!”
“Wait.I want to add something.”
I looked up in surprise.It was Jay Jones, one of the studio heads.Maybe the one who had interviewed Lee for a job.
“I just want to say that I’ve been checking out your resume while you were gone and I like what I see.The job is yours if you want it.”
“I do.”Lee walked over and shook his hand.They chatted while I stewed.What was on that resume that qualified him to shoot porn?Somehow, I couldn’t imagine the anal-retentive Lee filming me fucking.
I walked over to join the conversation.“Congratulations, Lee.”I slapped him on the back.“You know you can make more money on the other side of the camera.”
“I could never measure up to you, Casey.”
“Few men do,” Jay said.
“Well, just make sure you don’t get distracted while you’re shooting my scenes.”
Jay answered.“In all seriousness, I know Lee is a professional.He’ll keep his eye on the lens.”
I wanted to ask how he knew but we were interrupted.The rest of the party went by in a blur.I couldn’t seem to get Lee alone and I drank too much.At one point, I found myself sitting in a corner and watching as if I were a spectator.Not like me at all.I’m usually the life of the party.I decided to leave early.When I slipped out, no one seemed to notice.
Chapter Six
Two days later, I was shocked to get a call from Lee.“Hi, Casey.”
“What’s up?”
