Page 104 of Skating the Blue Line
I can’t even tell you where diapers are stored. They’re everywhere.
So I thought I would keep myself busy by washing all the little clothes.
As I fold, I separate everything into two piles.
One pile for Liam’s apartment. One pile for mine. Might as well start planning the move now.
My emotions are really trying to knock me out today because even that little thought has me crying.
I try to calm myself down, but nothing helps so I just let the tears flow.
That’s how Liam finds me an hour later as he walks into the apartment after going to a team charity event in the morning. Folding clothes and crying.
I’m tired of him finding me in such emotional situations.
“Everything okay?” He asks. He’s always asking if I’m okay. Always and I hated it when my emotions betray me and show him that I’m not.
No matter how hard I try to keep the tears, they always betray me.
I gave them a nod, trying to push down all the emotions from today so that he won’t see the full extent of them
“Are you sure?” he asks coming in deeper into the living room
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say, my voice breaking only a little bit. I might be able to get through this without adding any more tears to my day.
I can see it in his face that he doesn’t believe me, but either way, he gives me a nod, and comes to sit next to me on the couch.
He gives me a small smile before turning to look over at the piles of clothes that I have going.
“Is there a reason why you’re separating everything into two piles?” he asks, leaning his elbows against his knees.
“One pile for my apartment, one pile for here.” I say, trying not to look at him. If I do, I might cry.
“Are we using your apartment for storage or something?” He asks, giving me a confused look.
“No, the piles are for when I move out.” I say, my voice having some strength behind it.
“Move out?” he asks, his voice full of surprise.
“Yes, we agreed that I would only live here until the baby was born. After that, I am moving out back to my place,” I tell him while I fold up a onesie and put it in his pile.
“Right”, he says, dragging out the word
“I figured I would get started now because later I won’t be able to get anything done. So this pile is for me and this pile for you. We should also figure out the whole diaper situation since we have way too many.” I say, my voice is growing stronger by the minute.
I can do this.
Liam doesn’t say anything. He just sits there still with a confused look on his face and all the while he scratches his head like he is trying to figure something out.
A lump starts forming in my throat, but I’m able to push it down. “I should also start packing up my room. That way when the day comes. I can just grab a bag and at home”
I can’t believe how calm sounds right now. Talking to my mom seemed like so much work with all the tears and emotions rushing out
I was literally wiping away tears seconds, before he walked in and now there’s not a single one in sight
“So that’s it then? The baby comes and you're out of here?” Liam ask, his voice has something to it that I can’t pinpoint
I nod. “That’s what we agreed on.”
