Page 54 of Hitting the Goal Line
I don’t know.
Maybe one day I will get to the point where I won’t be scared to lose her and finally I can tell her about the grip she has on my beating heart.
Until then, I’m more than willing to suffer.
Last year we weren’t ready to take a step like this, but now I think that we are.
“Are you insane?” she asks as she starts to pace the length of her tiny living room.
Probably. I’m probably a little more than insane.
“It makes sense, Soph,” I argue, even though she has every right to freak out. “We won’t have to tackle being in a new city alone, and we’ll both have someone to come home to. We always talked about living together, why not do it now?”
“Because what if…” she starts but then she pauses as if she is trying to find the right words to say.
“What if what, Soph?” I ask, coming over to her stopped pacing.
She looks up at me sad eyes. “What if we can’t handle living with each other and we end up back in bed together?”
What if.
For two years, I’ve been thinking about that ‘what if’ and if I’m being honest with myself, it will be a fucking fantastic what if.
In the two years since we landed in bed together, this is the first time that we are mentioning it out loud. I think about it every time I see her blush or whenever she lets out an involuntary moan when she eats something good. I just don’t know if she does the same, because again, we don’t talk about.
And in this scenario, even though I might be okay if that ‘what if’ happens, she may not be and if she’s not, I’m not going to make her think differently.
“It won’t happen,” I tell her, my insides churning as the words leave my mouth. “Us ending up back in bed together won’t happen unless that is something that we both want. Do you?”
She looks up at me again, her eyes sad as she gives me a shake of her head. “No.”
No.
A no straight into my fucking heart.
I push the hurt down before I respond. “Then it won’t. We’ll make rules or something if that will make you more comfortable. I’ll do anything that you want me to, for that matter. Just please say yes, Soph. Say yes to moving to Chicago with me. Say yes to living together. Because I need you there. I need my best friend through it all. I needyouthere through it all. Please. Or at the very least tell me that you are going think about it.”
I shouldn’t be doing this to her. I shouldn’t be taking her out the school that she chose, away from her family and friends, all because I want to chase a dream. I should be man enough to not need her at my side.
But I’m not.
Sophia is quiet for a little bit, her eyes looking down at her hands, and moving around the apartment, possibly contemplating everything.
Looking out the window, I see that it’s pitch-black outside, which means that it’s late. Last time I checked it was close to eleven, so it’s probably closer to midnight now. This shouldn’t be a decision that she makes this late or after a major breakup. She should sleep on it, and then we can talk.
I’m about to suggest just that when she opens her mouth to speak.
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at her. “Okay, you’re going to think about it? Or okay, you’ll move to Chicago with me?”
The way she smiles make my heart skip a fucking beat.
“Okay, I’ll move to Chicago with you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
SOPHIA
