Page 71 of Hitting the Goal Line
Saying fuck it, I wrap my body in the sheet, and climb out of bed so that I walk over until I’m standing right in front of her. She looks up at me with her doe eyes, as more tears escape.
I kneel down in front of her and take her hands in mine.
Instead of confessing and giving her my whole heart, I let fear take over again and say something different than what had planned a second ago.
“Tell me what you want, Soph. Tell me and I will give it you,” I say, because it’s easier to give her her wants than give in to mine.
Subconsciously, I’m hoping that her wants are on the same level as mine.
Fuck, I hope so. Because this whole interaction is telling me is that I’m too much of a pussy to give her the whole damn truth.
Sophie looks down at me for a long minute, her bottom lip being between her teeth and her eyes filled with tears.
“I need my friend more than I need nights filled with sex.”
And I need to tell you how I really feel and show you that you own my whole damn heart and that I need you more than I need to breath, my mind wants to let out, but I don’t let it. Because giving her what she wants is more important to me.
I squeeze her hand tightly in mine.
“You have me. As your friend, as whatever you need and not a single night that we had will ever interfere with that.” I try to push down the ball of fucking emotions forming in my throat. “I don’t regret a single night with you, Soph. Not four years ago, not now, and if it ever does happen again, I won’t regret it then either. But if you don’t want it to happen again, then it won’t. You have my word.”
Having a night with her here and there may be enough to satisfy my hunger, my cravings and wants for this woman, but for her, it’s not the same. I can see it in her eyes.
She wants to protect and save our friendship and she wants to do everything to keep it that way.
I do too.
Which is why I can’t tell her what my heart is so desperate to say.
“You won’t hate me?” she asks, squeezing my hand back.
“Why would I hate you? You’re setting a boundary for us. There’s no reason to hate you. Now if you start cheering forFlorida after they broke my nose, then I would hate you.” I have to throw in the joke in there, so it could seem like everything between us is okay. And for the most part, it is, it’s just someone of us have to get our feelings and heads in check about the other.
Me, it’s me that has to do that.
Sophia lets out a little laugh. “Never. Unless you get traded to them, then I will think about cheering for them.”
“Take those words back. That is never going to happen.” I give her a smile.
We look at each other for a few seconds, small smiles on both of our faces and hands still intertwined on her lap.
“We’re going to be okay?” she asks, her voice just as small and low as it was earlier.
“We’re going to be okay. Always and always, remember?” I say, holding her hand as tight as I can.
“Always and always.”
If only I can say those three words in a different context, maybe then things between us would be a lot easier.
A lot less regret when it comes to our bodies joining together as one.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SOPHIA
I needmy friend more than I need nights filled with sex.
Those words circulate in my head even days later.
