Page 74 of Hitting the Goal Line
He gives me a nod back and just looks around the room as if he were inspecting it for the first time. I watch him as he does it, and I can’t help but to notice that he looks hurt.
In all the years that we’ve been friends, we have always been open about things with each other. We don’t tell each other everything, and there are definitely things about the other that we might not know, but things like going on a date or seeing someone new, we definitely share.
I start to feel bad that I didn’t tell him about Elijah sooner, but if I am going to do what I said I was, I can’t continue to live my life as if Blake is everything to me. As if only he owns a part of my heart when I haven’t even handed it over.
He is everything to me, but not in the way I want him to be.
Blake doesn’t say anything, and at this point I don’t think that he is. It might be best for me to just go. I’m already going to be late to meet Elijah, I don’t want to add more time to that.
“I should get going. I’ll see you later, okay?” I say, making my way to the door, but still keeping my eyes on him.
He turns and for a second he looks at me with a face that is null of any expression, but then it quickly transforms into a small smile. My least favorite smile of his.
“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”
I give him a small smile back and walk the last few steps to the door and opening it.
“Hey, Soph?” Blake calls out, stopping me as one foot steps over the threshold.
Pausing, I turn back to look at him and see that he is playing with his hands, all the while he is looking at me like he wants to tell me something.
Tell me not to go, Blake.
Tell me not to go on this date.
“Have fun, okay? You deserve it.”
Six words that I have no reason to hate, but I do.
“I will.” With one more smile in his direction, I walk out of the apartment and close the door behind me, feeling as if I want to cry.
I push those feelings to the side and take a deep breath before I start making my way out of the building and to the coffee shop where I’m meeting Elijah.
The whole walk there, though, I’m not think about Elijah and what the date will bring. No, instead, I’m thinking about Blake and how I wish I was willing to throw our friendship away and tell him how I really feel about him.
Maybe finally telling him will make things easier.
But what if it doesn’t?
That question scares the crap out of me and gives me enough push back to not do what I want.
And because of that, I’m going on this date.
Because I need to move on and let myself be happy with someone who is going to feel the same way about me that I feel about them.
My thoughts finally shift to Elijah when I get to the place and see him standing out front, looking down at his phone, waiting for me.
The butterflies that appeared the first day I met him, appear again and I can’t help but to smile a little bit.
This is something that I need, I know it is.
Taking a deep breath, I walk over to Elijah and when he looks up and gives me a big smile, I can’t help but to smile back.
“Hi,” he says, his smile growing even more.
The fluttering in my stomach getting even more pronounced and making me feel like I did back at the apartment. But I think it’s more giddiness than it is nerves this time around.
“Hi,” I say back, feeling like the giddiness wants to take over.
