Page 99 of Hitting the Goal Line
Three rings and he answers.
Before he can even say anything, I speak.
“I need a place to stay. Think I can use your guest room for a few days?”
Going to San Francisco may be a futile thing, but if Sophia ends up needing me there, then so fucking be it.
For her, I will do anything.
Including flying across the country because my gut tells me to.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
SOPHIA
Twelve hours from present day
I shouldn’t have agreedto this.
When he suggested a trip, I should have put my foot down and said no. I should have left that night, but instead, I decided to be complicit and go through with this plan of going on a trip with someone I don’t even want to touch me and break up with him when I get home.
From the second that I got back in the car after stopping at my apartment, tensions have been high. Elijah barely spoke to me on the way to the airport and once we made it past security, it was curt responses and no more than two-word responses.
Thank God that we were on a red eye flight and had the chance to sleep. I have no idea if I would have been able to handle almost four hours of sitting next to Elijah and being on pins and needles the whole time, hoping that I didn’t say the wrong thing and make him angry. It had been three weeks since the last time he took out his anger at me and I’m going to doeverything in my power to keep him as calm as I possibly can. Especially with what I need to do at the end of this trip.
When we landed in San Francisco, things got somewhat better. And by better I mean that Elijah transformed into a whole different person. He was smiling, laughing, and holding my hand, as if everything was normal. As if I hadn’t been afraid of him for weeks and we’d been living a happy life. As if our relationship has been an absolute dream and he has always been the caring and loving boyfriend that he was at the beginning.
I’ve seen glimpses of this Elijah here there these last few months and seeing those glimpses has definitely been part of the reason I continued to stay.
Because there have been times throughout our relationship where he was caring and kind and showed me that he could really be a great boyfriend. A great man. A part of me hoped that the loving and caring side of him would overpower the other, but I was wrong. There is nothing that could overpower that side of him. There isn’t enough hope in the world that would make me stay any longer. I’ve seen who Elijah really is and I want no part of it. I no longer want to get my hopes up, that that version of him would stay. That he really is putting in the effort to keep his promise to never hurt me again, or to never raise his voice at me again. Because no matter what, every single time, those hopes always came crashing down.
This time, though, I’m not getting my hopes up. This time, I’m not falling for this visual he is giving me. I’m not falling for the loving boyfriend act. This time, I know that even if he acts as if he will keep the promises he made me all those months ago, he will never hold himself to his word. He might change at some point in the future, but I don’t want to suffer through it, just waiting for that change to happen. Just hoping that there will never be a next time. I can’t live like that. I don’t think anyone can or should.
As much as I want to hate Elijah, though, I can’t. Not fully, anyways. I want him to be happy to a certain degree, even if it kills me. Which is why during our first two days here in San Francisco, I’ve been trying to act as if everything is fine and dandy. Because a happy Elijah, keeps the angry one away.
But as the hours pass by, it’s becoming harder and harder to keep up the pretense that I’m happy and want to be here. Especially when I have no idea when we are going to head home.
There’s only so much that two people can do in San Francisco in February. Every time that someone asks us how long we are in the city for, I look at Elijah for the same answer and every time he just smiles and says a few days. My guess is that we’re here until the end of the bye-week, but who knows.
Since we’ve been go, go, go from the second that we landed two mornings ago, I asked Elijah if we could spend a few hours at our hotel room this morning, instead of exploring the city like we have been since we got here.
Surprisingly, he said yes. I thought that he was going to fight me on it, but he didn’t.
Since we are staying in, I’m thinking that this might be the perfect opportunity to talk to Elijah and share everything that I’ve been feeling and finally pull the plug on this.
He has to see that I’m not happy, that I’m scared of him. He has to know that a few days away, exploring a new city, isn’t going to change anything. No matter how different he has been acting.
Maybe he does see it and this will be the one thing that doesn’t bring out the anger.
There’s only one way to find out, and that is to finally rip the Band-Aid and leave this room and go talk to him.
Taking a deep breath, I center myself as much as possible and walk out of the bedroom and into the small living room that the suite that Elijah booked for this trip, has to offer.
“Elijah,” I say, seeing that he’s currently watching a rerun of last night’s basketball game. I’ve noticed that that has been his go-to sport to watch. Not a single hockey game has played on his TV back home since I introduced him to Blake.
“Yeah?” he answers, not looking away from the screen.
As much as I feel like his attention should be on me during this conversation, it might be better if he’s distracted.
