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What a turn of events this has been.
“I’m not really sure what to say. Things are…changing between us.”
“Ya think?” Navy quips. “Give us more than that.”
“Do you love him, Ten?” Kodi asks softly, reaching for my hand across the table.
Do I love August?
Such a simple question, yet it feels more complicated than ever.
I glance down at the table, unsure of how to best articulate how I feel. “I…I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. God, I don’t know much of anything right now.”
“It’s okay to feel a little crazy over things. But you know deep down how you feel, my girl.” Navy may be straightforward and harsh at times, but she seems to always know what to say.
“We see the way you look at him, Ten. And the way Gus has always looked at you,” Kodi sighs.
They do?
Bottled-up emotions threaten to explode from my chest. “I think I might be in love with him. Yes. But I’m so scared to tell him and be hurt in the end. It’s not just about me anymore, you know? We have a son together now.”
They nod. “You do,” Navy agrees. “But…what if…just maybe…Gus feels the same, and everything works out perfectly? Better than you could have imagined.”
“I mean, in a perfect world, that would be the goal,right? But I know how imperfect this world really is. People hurt people, whether they mean to or not. It’s why I’ve always looked out for myself and built walls. For protection.”
“But protecting yourself will only get you so far, Ten. No one wants to spend their whole life alone out of fear. You can’t focus on the ‘what-ifs.’ They’ll rob you of so much happiness. I know from experience, trust me on that,” Kodi says.
My stomach churns and my chest constricts. I know these feelings are love. I know it. Just like I know Navy and Kodi are right. “I’ve never loved anyone before. Aside from my parents, I mean.”
“You’ve never been in love?” Navy asks, sympathy and kindness radiating from her beautiful face.
I shake my head. “Nope. Think about it. Have you ever seen me with anyone past a night?” They shake their heads, and I continue, “That’s why I tried to have a baby on my own. I literally turned thirty-six last month, and I’ve never made it past the friends with benefits stage with anyone. I didn’t see that changing anytime soon, and despite being alone, I wanted to be a mom. Better to be alone with a tiny human that makes up my whole world than without. That’s the one thing I knewIcould give myself. Not needing a partner to do it with.”
“Makes sense,” Dakota concurs.
“Okay, but plans changed. Life changed for you. So, what now? You have a beautiful baby boy inside of you who’s about to make his grand entrance, and a man who loves you and is currently living in your condo, putting together a crib as we speak. What are you gonna do about it?” Navy coaxes me.
He’s building the crib?
Shit. Shit. Shit. I can’t hold them in. The tears begin, pouring down my cheeks on a mission to wreck me. “No. No. Stop crying, Tenley,” I tell myself. “Suck it up.”
Kodi barks out a laugh, and Navy follows suit. “Our girls in loveeeeee,” Navy and Dakota squeal in unison.
I’m smiling, my emotions showing their chaotic ass right now. “Okay. That’s enough.”
“Time to make some changes, my friend. Starting with locking that freakishly tall, mustached man down.”
“Right.”
I need to come up with a plan, and fast.
43
TENLEY
Everything hurts.
Horrible idea. Worst ever. Never should have worn heels.
