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Maybe this is my chance to share with her a bigger part of myself? We’re going to be parents together, so I suppose it’s important for her to know about my family.
I hand her my phone, the image of Levi holding his new skateboard in the air proudly on the screen. “That’s my younger brother, Levi. He’s been doing yard work at the house to earn some extra money to buy that board. He finally earned it.”
The pride in my voice can’t be missed. Levi is the oldest of my siblings, and he’s a little hustler.
Tenley smiles big, taking the time to examine the photo. “Levi,” she exhales like she’s marking his name into her memory bank. “He’s a cute kid. Looks a lot like you, actually.” Her eyes lock with mine. “How many siblings do you have?”
I hate that these are things we don’t already know about each other. I guess that’s what happens when you do things backward.
But Tenley essentially just called me cute, and normally I’d comment on that, but I’ll keep the jolt of glee I feel to myself for now.
“Six in total,” I answer her. “Levi is sixteen and the oldest.” I swipe to find another photo and show her the one with all of them huddled together on my Grandma’s couch. Pointing to Levi first, I go down the line. “That’s Carter, he’s fourteen. Mable is twelve. Jackson is nine. Delaney is six, and Tatum is two.”
Tenley soaks in my every word, making me feel like she cares. But I’m damaged enough to question where it comes from.
I want to be a desire, not a requirement.
“Wow,” she murmurs, running her index finger across each of them, taking in their features. “I never knew you had so many siblings. I mean, that’s a big age difference.”
“Yeah,” I falter. “We all have different dads. Well, except for Mable and Jackson.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I hear the panic in her voice, feeling embarrassed for not knowing.
I reach out and gently place my hand on her thigh. “It’s no big deal. Seriously. You had no way of knowing. It’s not something I necessarily go around sharing.” I smile lightly.
“I know, but I feel like these are things I should know about you. Right?”
“Then ask me, Tenley…I’m an open book.”
She nods carefully, digesting my words and likely filtering through what she feels comfortable enough to ask. “Please tell me if it’s ever too far. I’d never want to overstep. I guess I’m just curious about your life now.”
I nod, my hand still resting across her thigh. I circle my thumb, and I honestly don’t know why, but it’s comforting. Tenley doesn’t seem to mind either, so I keep it there as a way of stability for both of us.
“Is your mom okay?” Her voice quivers a little, and I know she’s afraid to offend me. “I mean, is she doing well?”
“She is now,” I answer. “A year ago, not so much. She’s an alcoholic and has been battling with sobriety since Carter was born. I’ve done everything I can to make sure my brothers and sisters are taken care of while she gets healthy.”
“But Carter is fourteen?” I see tears begin to well in her eyes, and I know that means she understands my situation clearly. My teammates don’t even know the full details. It’s something I’ve never wanted to share.
They know I support my siblings, and that’s enough.
“He is,” I say, nodding before telling her the truth. “I’ve been supporting and helping raise my siblings for the last fourteen years. Up until a year ago, my mom started having a bit more involvement, but I still get really fucking worried she’ll go on a bender and leave them without supervision.”
“Oh, god. August. I…I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that for so long.”
I shake my head. “I’d do it all over again if it meant they were taken care of. Being on the road makes it more difficult at times, but I hire help when I’m away.”
“That’s…really admirable. They’re lucky to have you, and I’m happy to hear your mom is doing better and taking care of herself. I’m sure that’s relieving.”
“It is, but it’s still this weight I know will never go away. I’d never want to call her a burden because she’s not, but sometimes it feels that way.”
Fuck. This will never get any easier to talk about.
Her delicate hand covers mine as she directs her words at me to listen clearly. “Hey, you have a right to feel what you want to feel. No one is judging you. I would never judge you for that. I may not be someone super important in your life, but I hope you know you can always talk to me if you need to. Even people who look like they have it all together need a place to fall apart every once in a while.”
This woman keeps provingherselfwrong. She claims to be jaded and reserved, but all I see is compassion. She’s filled with so much kindness, yet is careful who she lets see it. For so long, I was on the other end of it. Only received her spitfire remarks. Although I enjoyed them—still do—this side of Tenley Abrams is worth cherishing.
The side of her I hope to hold onto as long as she lets me.
