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But I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That reason may be one I never expected, but it’s not a coincidence.
I get to be a mom. Before, I would have preferred it to be with a stranger, but now, I’m finding myself really grateful it’s with August, and I don’t have to do it alone.
“I didn’t want to sleep with him that night. I fought it—hard.”
“What you mean is…you slept with August because you wanted to. No sense in hiding it now,” Navy says.
“Fine,” I huff. “I wanted him…badly. And at the time, the consequences didn’t even cross my mind. Until we finished, I mean. Happy?”
“Jesus, Tenley. You are a mess,” Kodi tells me.
I’m back to feeling emotional again. “I know. I know. And now he keeps doing nice things for me and being this genuinely good guy who also happens to be a machine in bed. I can’t keep up.”
“You can’t keep up with your heart, my friend. It’s because you’re falling for him,” Navy informs me, and her words resonate with care. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, babe, but I think you’ve always had a thing for him. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”
“And you’re as blind as a bat if you think August Graves hasn’t always been in love with you.” My head swings toKodi. “That mustached fool has only ever had heart eyes for you.”
Have I really been that oblivious?
“Ugh, I don’t know what I’m feeling.” I run my hands through my hair, feeling frustrated over a man who I’m confident would be good to me if given the chance. But the part of me that’s been hurt before can’t shake the reminder of the playboy August has always been.
Always looking for the next cleat chaser to devour.
However, I haven’t actually seen him with another woman in…how long has it been? At least since I found out I was pregnant.
I’m twenty weeks now, so that’s…five months. Holy shit.
“He hasn’t been with anyone in five months.” I think I say it out loud for myself and not necessarily for them.
“Where have you been? And what part of ‘you’re all he sees’ do you not get?” Navy questions.
My mind is blown. Why have I not seen him with anyone? When I saw him wave to Felicia a while back, I wanted to believe he was seeing her.
Now, I don’t know why. He confirmed he wasn’t, although I would have never asked.
It was never my place to assume or question him on his private life. Still isn’t.
But that was the same day he came running to check on me between innings. Something I know he probably got a good bitching from Coach Leggins about.
“I think August is just good at masking how he really feels,” Kodi admits, putting things into perspective.
Honestly, that would make perfect sense.
After what he shared with me on the bus ride home from Boston, it’s evident August has done nothing in his lifebut make sacrifices for those around him. I’ve never once heard him complain or make a fuss over plans changing.
He faces life head-on and takes what comes with a positive outlook.
He may be a professional baseball player, but deep down, I’ve learned he’s a man with real-life problems and a fear of burdening other people with them.
The only thing I take away from that fact is that he’s alone.
Just like me.
“I’m beginning to see that too,” I mumble, working through my thoughts. “I know I need to talk to him. We need to figure out a plan for when the baby gets here.”
“You also need to work through how you feel, Ten. You can’t expect to have a healthy parenting relationship if you can’t be honest about the one thing that got you here to begin with. Reciprocated feelings,” Navy encourages me. I know she’s right.
But damn it. I’m not ready. I hate being vulnerable, but I’ll do it for him. And for our baby.
