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“Well, yeah,” I respond, suddenly feeling embarrassed to be the only one with that expectation. “Although technically, it’s not the first time.”
Small circles feather across the inside of my thigh as I sit up to face him, my legs thrown across his muscular thighs. “Trust me. I want nothing more than that, too. But I’d rather give your body my time and attention than resort to a cheap fuck in the backseat.”
“You can’t tell me you haven’t screwed around with other women in this same backseat. There’s no difference.”
Not a trace of humor crosses his face, and suddenly I’m all too aware of the silence between us. The unspoken tension. Tension, I’m clearly clueless as to where it stems from. “I haven’t fuck anyone since you. It’s been at least what? Seven months? Since that night at Navy and Bodhi’s new place.”
My head jerks back. “Wait, really?” I ask. “I didn’t know that.”
August fiddles with my anklet, seeming slightly shy over his admission, and I find that even more endearing. “Never really thought it mattered to bring it up. We aren’t together.”
There’s that cold dousing of water I’ve been missing.
I nod. “I’d never want you to feel like you can’t date, August. You’re not chained to me because I’m pregnant with your child.”
“I know that. I just haven’t wanted to. I like spending time with you.”
There’s the pitter-pattering of my heart again. The feeling that paralyzes me from within when August saysthings like that to me. Small things that seem so minuscule and insignificant. Yet, coming from him, they feel final.
So much back and forth.
But I can’t trust myself to explore the unknown. My emotions are a disaster. August and I have never been more than friends, and the only reason we are now is because of our situation.
We’re mutually benefiting. Nothing more. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Even though I’m not fully convinced that’s true.
It’s now that I realize he’s waiting for my response. “I like spending time with you, too, and I’m glad we have a solid friendship. It will definitely help us parent well together.”
The cover feels bitter on my tongue.
I don’t want to be his friend. I want more. I know that, but I’m too scared to admit it to him.
Thankfully, August doesn’t cower, only smiles and looks at me with an intensity that has me flustered. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Am I someone you would ever consider as more?”
Well, I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “As in…more than a friend?”
“Yeah.” I hear the vulnerability in his voice. “Would you ever consider giving me a fair shot with you?”
My mouth drops open in shock because never have I ever heard the desire to be with anyone come out of this man’s mouth—especially in reference to me. “Shot with you?” I mumble the question.
He grins and slowly inches his fingertips up my calf. “I can spell it out for you if you need me to, Tenley. It’s a simple question,” he whispers.
“It’s really not. This is confusing me, August,” I admit, because it is. This isn’t us and it’s fucking with my thinking. Does the idea of being with a man as perfect as August sound unimaginable? Yes. More than anything.
But why would he ask me that now? We’ve never once mentioned anything about this being more between us…so why the sudden shift in thinking? I can’t justify how it would be worth testing and risk interfering with the friendship we already have, for our child’s sake?
“I have feelings for you, Tenley. I don’t know how else to explain it other than that. You don’t have to say anything or answer, for that matter. I was just curious. But you should know how I feel at least,” he tells me honestly, and good grief, my heart clenches tightly.
How did we get here? To a place where the man I once thought cared about nothing other than his stats and finding the tightest vag, is now the man pouring his heart out to me?
Can I reciprocate those feelings, though?
I drop my head in conflict. “I don’t know if it would be a good idea, August. We’re in a good place. If we ended up not working out, how would that affect our son?”
Not to mention the fact that you’reyouand I’m…well,me.
