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Yes to all of it. With every twisted part inside of me.
I choke back a silent cry. “He makes me feel all of those things, Mom. But do I love him? I’m not sure. I’m not sure of much of anything when I feel this crazy.”
Mom reaches for my hand and squeezes tight. “And you don’t have to have that answer right now, sweetie. As long as you see August for what he is to you.”
“Which is what?” I ask as if she holds all the answers.
Somehow, mothers always do.
“You tell me. How would you describe him? I obviously don’t know August, so fill me in.”
The fact that describing who August is to me doesn’t require much thought should tell me everything I need to know. But I’ve never been one to bend that easily.
“He makes me feel safe and taken care of. I don’t have to want for anything,” I tell her. “The words ‘I’m pregnant’ had barely left my mouth before the man bought the whole damn baby aisle at Target.”
Mom smiles brightly. “Sounds like a keeper,” she says, ushering me to continue.
“He keeps things fun. We bicker like an old married couple, and strangely, it’s comforting. I know I can always count on him to keep things lighthearted and expect the unexpected when he’s around.”
“Well, he’s gotta be tough if he’s gonna be inyourlife,” Mom teases. You were born with the heart of a wrestler, my dear.”
“I should add that to my resume,” I joke.
“Let’s hear one more. If you dig deep, what does he make you feel? Listen to your heart.”
Zero hesitation. Zero need to think it through.
“Alive,” I say confidently. “He makes me feel alive. Like I’ve been sleeping all this time, only for him to wake mefrom a hazy coma or something and stir a fire inside of me I’ve been missing.”
A sniffle sounds from beside me, and I turn to find Mom wiping at the stream of tears under her eyes. “That’s who your father has always been to me, honey. Since the moment I laid eyes on him, I’ve felt love beyond anything I could possibly dream of.”
“Really?” My voice quakes.
“Really.” Mom pulls me in for a hug. “It’s a rare thing. Hold on to it and fight like hell to keep it. Keep him.”
“Even if I have nothing to offer him? He’s a professional ball player, Mom. He can have any woman he wants. He has money in the millions. All I have to offer is his baby. I can’t help but worry that’ll never be enough for him.”
“Oh, my strong girl. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You may not be giving August enough credit either. There’s one thing youcanoffer him that the hundreds of women in his fandom can’t.”
I lift my head. “Yeah?”
Mom nods, leaning to kiss my forehead. “Your heart.” She taps the spot on my chest, just over my heart. “Your big and beautiful heart. The thing that likely landed him in your bed to begin with.”
Despite the gravity of her words, I giggle. “Actually, it wasn’t in my bed.”
“Lord have mercy, Tenley. Do I even want to know?”
I shake my head. “It’s better if you don’t.” I smile and lean into her nurturing spirit.
“Well, okay then. I have faith you’ll do what’s right. Be graceful with yourself and don’t be afraid to tell August how you feel. He might surprise you.”
Maybe.
A life with someone I love has always felt so far away.So out of reach, I never bothered looking for it. But maybe this baby is the blessing August and I never knew we needed.
And one I’m really grateful to now have.
Let’s just hope I can do right by it.
