Page 94 of Lessons for Marquesses
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Georgiana sank under the bathwater,started counting, and wondered, if she kept going past the desperation to breathe, would she perish along with her pain?
At the count of sixty-two she rose up with a gasp and slammed her hands into the water. Mr. Wolf had her doubting her horsemanship—truly her very existence—and now she couldn’t even drown herself properly. Could she do anything right?
Not bloody likely.
Heaving from the tub, she dripped puddles over the dressing room floor and slumped against the wall with the towel clutched to her chest.
She had thrown herself at him. Made a cake of herself. A most enormous cake fit for His Majesty, and the regret choking her was as if she had eaten the whole of it.
I am happy, Mr. Wolf. You make me happy. And he, oh God, he wanted amutually agreeable acquaintance.
No, she was not going to cry. She’d sooner scratch out her eyes than waste a single tear on her stupidity. But a sob caughther throat as she wandered into her room and dropped slowly to the carpet.
I’m not attracted to you, George.
Couldn’t he have lied to her and allowed her tender notions to drift away with his inattention? It wasn’t as if she would attack him.
But she had attacked him. Coming uninvited into his room, climbing upon his bed, touching him. If she considered his silence when he had noticed her, how he had stared while she went on like a lunatic, what else could he have done? Jumped up and screamed?
No. He did what he had to do to save his pride and get her out of his room. He had been forced to kiss her, and then defend himself in the sternest, yet politest possible manner. He had warned her the afternoon before that she should keep her distance, that he would break her heart.
Georgiana fell to her back and, giving up her short-lived vow, silently wept.
Who would comfort her? Charlotte would rub it in her face. Julian would laugh. Oliver would pour her a brandy. Kitty. She must see Kitty, though her friend had her own problems, and Georgiana suspected she had too much pride to confide in anything like feelings.
If only her mother were here. Her father. She wasn’t sure which one would comfort her and which one would whip Mr. Wolf down the drive. Both. Both of them would hold her while she cried and then bring her along for the reckoning. They’d allow her the honor of the first lashing.
“Mama? Papa?”
No one answered.
She was alone, and this pain would go on and for what length of time was unknown. But she thought it might be forever.
Georgiana planted a fist over her flat belly. It was hard and tempting like a castle wall. She was different. Not a girl, not a boy, another creature down there, everywhere, and inside too, and her parents must have known this.
She jumped up at a rap on her door. “Just a moment!”
Scrambling into her clothes, she scrubbed away the evidence of her crying with her sleeve and met Charlotte at the threshold. When her aunt peered at her face, Georgiana escaped to her desk, sitting and staring blindly at the two letters she had received. One from the Marquess of Kimbrough declining her partnership solicitation. The other a confirmation that her advertisement for three horses had been received.
Charlotte hovered without speaking. From below stairs, laughter drifted into her room. If Mr. Wolf hadn’t been so brutal, so resolved to ensure she understood how much he didn’t want her, she might be laughing, too.
The sting was unbearable. The letters blurred through her tears.
Charlotte broke the silence. “You did well with Lady Tufton.”
Georgiana pressed her palms to the desk and stood, her gaze watery as she stared out the window at the perfect dusk. Just like the day had been. Until it hadn’t. “Caroline hates me. And you brought her here.”
“I wish for you to have my room. I shall take the nursery.”
Georgiana spun around. “I did lie to Caroline so she would not come, but you refused to listen. You didn’t provide me a chance to explain becauseyourudely exposed it in front of Oliver and Mr. Wolf. And if I had been afforded privacy, would you have listened or disregarded my wishes as being wrong, uncouth, childish?”
Charlotte’s eyes flashed round. “I did not suspect?—”
“Did you have to see it for yourself? Was not my obvious discomfort enough? Would that you gave me as much consideration as you do my cousin!”
Charlotte’s voice wavered. “I am sorry, Georgiana.”
