Page 9 of Big and Bold
She sits up a little taller. “Are you thinking I’ll run?”
I want to sit next to her on the swing, but I don’t want her to freeze up on me, so I sit down on the top step of the porch. “Why do you think that?”
She uses her foot to control her swinging. “You haven’t left my side all day.”
I shrug. “I’m sorry. I wanted to be with you, but I sensed I was a little overwhelming to you.”
She seems surprised by my confession, and I stare at my hands. “I’m so glad to have you home, Annie.”
I lift my head to look at her, and we share a smile until she puts her guard up. “I mean, yeah, it’s nice even if it is just for a little while.”
I pick up a small rock and hold it in my hands. “Are you going to be happy here?”
She gets a wistful look on her face and stares out at the land. “The happiest I’ve ever been has been here… on this land… with you.”
My heart starts to race. “Then why?” My voice cracks. “Why did you leave me?”
She stops swinging. “We’ve been through this, D.”
I run my hands across my face, massaging my temples. “I know I messed up, Annie, and you don’t think what we have is a marriage, but this was real to me.” I hold my hand up and point at the ring that is still on my finger. “Our marriage was real.”
She shakes her head. “No, it wasn’t.”
Pure frustration leads me. “How can you say that?”
She plants both feet on the ground to stop swinging. “We didn’t have a marriage. We had two completely different lives.”
“How? Explain it to me.”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Because we lived two separate lives.”
“What are you talking about?”
She points at me and then jabs a finger to her chest. “You were always chasing the next win but never planned a future with me. You never opened up emotionally. I’ve had to prove myself over and over. I’m never country enough, tough enough, and when I started to pull away, you didn’t even notice. You didn’t fight for me, for us, Dustin. You could take me or leave me.”
“Annie, that’s not true. I wanted?—”
She cuts me off. “You acted like you didn’t want me around.” She points inside the house. “Unless we were in that bedroom, then you acted like you knew me and wanted me.”
Everything she says guts me. How could I have messed up this badly? How could she not know how I feel about her? How could I have gotten this so wrong? I stand up and put my hands in my pockets. “I wanted you around, Annie. I wanted this marriage more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
I try to let the walls down. I want her to know how sincere I am, but she’s not having it. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe me. She starts swinging again and leans her head back as if we’re not in the middle of a discussion. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over… Well, it will be next month.”
I grunt. Every emotion rolls through me. Since she left me, I’ve been scared, mad, angry, worried, sad, lost. Fuck, I’ve been so lost without her.
I want to tell her how much I love her, and I’m kicking myself for never telling her before now. How could I have not saidthe words? But instead of saying them now, I hold them inside because I know she doesn’t want to hear it.
I sit down on the swing next to her, and I hate that she tenses. I lean away from her. “Do you remember the first day we met?”
She rolls her eyes. “Do I remember the night that I practically threw myself at you? I was sure you thought I was easy or one of those buckle bunnies.”
I shake my head as I think back on that day over a year ago. It was easily one of the best days of my life. And not because I’d won a bulldoggin’ event. It was entirely because of Annie. “I remember thinking that I couldn’t believe you were talking to me. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on, and you wanted to talk to me.”
She giggles. “I wanted to do more than just talk to you.” She puts her hand to her face. “I still can’t believe I slept with you that night.”
I can’t stop the smile that forms on my face. “Honey, I was there. The chemistry, the connection… there was no way either of us could resist being together. It was a perfect night.”
She’s smiling softly, lost in memories, and she closes her eyes. “Maybe we moved too fast. We should have slowed down and gotten to know each other a little better.” She opens her eyes and looks at me. “We got married two weeks later.”
