Page 174 of Serpent In White
Last night, or early this morning, actually, when Abdiel was lying on my chest, regaling me with all the details of his journey we didn’t get to discuss the other night, he told me about how they met.
In the clearing… The girl tried to kill herself.
I know better than to assume she would have tried it anywhere else in the world. That clearing is something I’ve purposefully kept guarded, even within myself, for decades.
But I’m not sure that’s the right approach anymore.
I didn’t want to admit it before, or think about it in any real way, since she’s been carrying herself like a blatant foe of mine since the moment she set foot in front of me, but I’ve sensed an off-handed kinship with Rhiannon. A force of something holding us together that I can’t rationalize or truly understand.
And I don’t think that can be avoided any more either.
Coming back from my walk, when I’m sure dinner is over, I saunter toward the Den right as Lauris is stepping outside. I give her an easy smile, because Lauris has always been the one of my wives I know I can trust. She’s dedicated, loyal, smart, and everything I look for in a partner, which is why I married her first. Well, that and because her thoughts always gave away her utter lack of interest in my dick.
Lauris and I suffer from the same sorts of insecurities surrounding our sexual preferences. Though hers were more about being unsure of what she wanted until we tried to have sex one night, drunk and fumbling around like two gay morons. Needless to say, it didn’t work, and she’s been in love with Gem since basically the day I married the tiny redhead.
That’s the biggest pinpoint here. Not only do I owe it to myself and my family to be honest about who I am, but I really owe it to my wives. They deserve to have relationships, real ones, if they want. They don’t deserve the sneaking around and secret affairs they’re forced to engage in to protect my reputation.
After all, myreputationdoesn’t mean shit without the love of my family.
Lauris stops walking when she’s in front of me, folding her arms over her chest. Naturally, I know what she’s about to ask before the words leave her lips.
“Are you alright?” The concern on her face gives me the warm and fuzzies. And then it makes me feel like an asshole. Because of all the lying.
I nod first. It’s a habit to act like everything is good, one I really need to break.
So I shake my head instead, rubbing my eyes with my fingers. “I’m tired, Lauris. I’m so fucking tired of wearing this mask.”
Gazing over the foot of space between us, I watch her forehead line as she reaches out and brushes my hair with her fingers. “Then take it the fuck off.”
“I’m terrified that if I do, everything around me will crumble.” My confession. The first time I’ve ever said this out loud.
“Your highness…” she breathes, squeezing my shoulder. “You can always rebuild from rubble. Don’t forget that.”
Something comes over me, and I grab her, pulling her in for a hug, damn near squeezing the air out of her. But it just makes her chuckle while she wraps her arms around my waist, holding me back.
“Do you love him?” She mumbles into my neck.
My first instinct is to freeze, because even if we know things about each other, we’ve never discussed it out loud.
How much time have I spent hiding? Covering up my truths because I’m afraid?
How much of that was Drake’s fault…?
“Which one?” I mutter, unable to keep the grin off my lips as she gasps, pulling back to give me an outraged smile, jaw hanging agape. I can’t help but laugh.
“You’re not as regal as they think you are, are you?” She teases.
I wink at her. “None of us are. That’s the point.”
I made a decision.
I’m still unsure if it’s a good one, but good or not, it’s definitely necessary.
Wandering in the dark, I ignore the eyes on me. The way the trees curve with the winds, as if they too are gawking, wondering what the hell I’m doing.
I wish I knew, guys.
At the door, I stop to take in a long breath, preparing myself. Then I open it, stepping inside the small shack, bending to pull on the trapdoor. I trot down the steps into the icy darkness. It’s almost seventy degrees outside at midnight, yet down here it feels like winter.
