Page 22 of Serpent In White
So in times of need, I count.
The flutters of his eyelashes on my chest when he blinks, one every seven seconds or so. The beats his heart jumps against my stomach. Eighty-two per minute. Acalmpace.
He’s relaxed, and it’s good. I remember the first time I counted his pulse…
It wasn’t such a good time.
But right now is a rapture. Shame it can’t last.
I know it, he knows it.Motherdoes.
The unfortunate fact is that even though I thoroughly enjoy myself with my foster brother, we can never be more than a secret; a hidden fantasy fulfilled in the dark. With drugs in his veins, and in mine too, let’s be honest… that’s the only time we can do this.
And once the high fades, it’s back to business as usual.
Darian stirs and I run my fingers along his back. He was listening to me just now. I hope I didn’t upset him, even though it’s just our truth. A truth he’s well aware of, by the way.
That’s the thing about Empyrean. There are no secrets. You must be prepared for complete and total honesty; openness to your fellow animals. Once the third eye is opened, it doesn’t close, and keeping yourself cognizant of that is very important.
The first few times were a challenge. There are certain things I can’t have Darian knowing, not yet anyway. I had to learn to block them from my thoughts, or to cover them up with other things, so he couldn’t hear. It’s worked so far, but I’m in a state of constant hiding.
Darian, on the other hand, hasn’t perfected the skill of sequestering his subconscious. When he thinks, he thinksloud. His mind is wild and free, and I do love that about him. It’s unfortunate he can’t be that way in real life. Not completely.
I blame myself for his lack of self-confidence regarding his sexuality. After all, I’ve been the one telling him for years that it would bewrongfor us to be together. That, paired with what happened to him when we were kids, I think has severely stunted his ability to see his proper path. And to really understand how perfect he is.
Let’s be clear; I’m not saying him being with another man is wrong. I’m saying him being withmeis wrong, because it is. But it’s not about sexuality or being open with who you love…
It’s about me being evil.
To put it plainly, I’m not a good person, and Darian is. He needs to be with someone who’s equally good. Someone deserving of every wonderful thing about him.
And that’s not me.
It’s a scientific fact that every natural supply has a return. That light must be met with darkness. Darian isn’t wrong in believing that. What he doesn’t understand, however, is that Satan used a serpent to tempt Adam and Eve for a reason. And that’s not to say I believe in theHoly Biblemore than I believe in science. I don’t.
But even in our consideration of the word of God, and our Mother Earth, the serpent is a symbol of death.
That’s me.
I bring death wherever I go, and I’m almost sure I’m destined for some form of eternal pain. I refuse to let Darian get swept up in all that. He’s far too important to me.
“Your thoughts are buzzing,” he murmurs, pulling me tighter with his leg draped over mine. He likes to get all tangled up like this, I suspect because he knows I could flee at any moment. “Like radio static.”
“Maybe my brain is scrambled.” I grin, and he peers up at me, giving me a look like I’m an idiot. It makes me laugh.
A small smile tugs at his full lips, though it’s clear he’s trying to smother it as he crawls on top of me, straddling my hips. He’s still naked, and it’s active work not looking at all the places I want to touch, and taste.
I have to go.
“You’re fighting too hard.” He leans down and presses his lips to my jaw. “Just one more time… while I still have you.”
“You don’t have me.” I keep my tone as firm as I can, resisting every urge to grab him by the waist and shove him down on my cock again.
He flinches but covers it up quick. “I know that. I’m just saying… it feels good. And no one will know.”
He grinds his hardening erection into mine, and against every bit of animal inside me, I press my hands on his chest to push him back.
“That’s not the point. We agreed…”
