Page 42 of Serpent In White
Yet, despite that, as I walk through the Field in the direction of home, I can’t ignore this awareness inside me. The vibrant colors and speculative designs seem to have faded for the most part, but thefeelingis still there.
I have such a sense of my own mortality in this moment, and it isn’t anywhere near as scary as one might think. I know my purpose. I’m fulfilled because as small and insignificant as one human life may seem, I’m a part of the great transformation of life.
I’m a piece of the puzzle.Me. Abdiel Harmony.
I wonder if my parents ever felt this…
I wish I could see them now.
Turning over my shoulder, I look back toward the mountain. Something happened to them up there, and it killed them. It’s still a mystery to this day. Or at least, itwas.
One day I’ll go up there and find the truth. It’s my duty.
I hear Mother telling me so.
Seek solace in the mountain, young servant.
For now, I wander back toward Regnum housing, past the farmland, admiring the work of our people. Marveling at the beauty of the earth, ofourterritory. I truly hope Head Priest knows how grateful we are to be here with him. How much he’s done for us by allowing us here.
Guilt sweeps through my insides fast like a crashing wave at high tide.
I fooled around with his brother. My Head Priest; the man I’ve admired since I was a young boy. The man I’ve grown to love and need, as less than a god, maybe less than a father, but more than just a regular man.
And the thing is that I can’t tell if I’m guilty for having my first sexual experience with his brother, someone who’s supposed to be his… or for not having it withhim.
I’m so confused, but I barely have time to reflect on it, my inner turmoil cut short by all the voices. They’re so loud as I approach housing, I have a strong urge to cover my ears.
I hear so many things… Complaints, worries, joys, ideas. It’s all around me, swirling up through the air like a twister.How do Darian and Drake deal with this??
Focusing on my steps, I try not to listen in on things I feel I shouldn’t be hearing. A woman, angry with her husband for paying her less attention than the girl they’ve both been sleeping with together. My eyes dart right. The husband, feeling jealous of that same girl’s endless attention on his wife.
It’s like a soap opera in this place. Who knew?
Passing by students finishing up their lessons, most of their thoughts are on schoolwork, either worried or confident, both ends of the spectrum. And then there are those who are thinking about other things entirely. Friends, family, and vanity.
It’s astonishing how much I can hear.
As I approach my trailer, I decide to pass it. There’s no sense in going home right now. I can’t squander this sort of gift sitting around the house. So I keep walking.
I walk for hours, all over the Expanse, just listening. Hearing itall.
It feels very intrusive, and morally, I must say, I’m not sure if listening to someone’s thoughts is right. Maybe for Head Priest, but not for me. Who am I, after all?
I don’t know that this drug was designed for recreational use. Sure, the high was a rebirth of sorts, and the way I feel now… There’s really no way to describe it. I’mawake.
But the first part seems to last only minutes, and now I’m left with this ability. I understand more now about why Head Priest becomes so edgy after a while. I’m guessing when the power wears off, he feels hopeless.
I have no clue whatI’mmeant to do with this…Or why the Serpent allowed me this experience.
I’m wandering around for hours, until the sun sets, and darkness washes over the Expanse. I find myself coming back toward the Den, and even though I’m not working today, I can’t seem to stay away. Dinner will be done soon.
I wonder what they’re having… I hope Head Priest likes it.
I decide to go in and at least sayhito Gina. I have nothing else to do right now, and I’m sort of hungry. Maybe she’ll hook me up with leftovers.
As I enter the Den, I’m met with the sounds of people moving around, typical after-dinner cleanup. Swinging through the doorway to the kitchen, I hear Gina first, though she isn’t speaking. She’s worrying about Paul, and how hard he’s been working lately. It brings a knot to my stomach. I don’t enjoy hearing her worry. She’s such a strong person on the outside.
Then I hear Cam. He’s jealous of Ryle, and the attention he always gets for his cooking. Cam seems bitter, but beneath the frustration I hear insecurity. I want to pat him on the back and let him know it’ll be alright. Someday he’ll find his genuine purpose. But I can’t do that… Because he can’t know I’m listening.
