Page 64 of Serpent In White
But I’m torn. I don’t know if I should tell him what I did, or if I should leave him in the dark. Like plausible deniability.
Darian falls asleep fast while my mind races, his head propped on my shoulder. I take a small throw blanket out of my bag and drape it over him. A guy gives us a look as he walks past to the bathroom shaking his head, and I glare at him, silently warning him to look somewhere else before I end his miserable homophobic existence.
This world is a disgusting place. I barely even want to stay in this country. Maybe we can go somewhere farther, like Norway, or Scotland or some shit. Somewhere better.
My head flops back against the seat. It’s futile. This entire planet is bullshit. The amount of damage humanity does is staggering. No animals kill each other more than the human race. I guess I would know…
Capitalism and war, famine and pollution, rape and murder, child abuse and sex trafficking.
I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I wish we could go somewhere else entirely. A different planet or universe…
Eventually, I fall asleep, clutching Darian on one side, hand gripping my knife on the other.
Someone must be watching out for us because we get to Denver with no issues.
Unfortunately, though, Darian has slipped into some kind of depression, and I’m desperate to get him out of it. I thought the best idea, the best way to stretch our funds as long as possible would be to get a tent and camp out. It’s still pretty chilly, but summer will be here in a couple of months. We can make it. I know we can.
But when I float the idea to Darian, he’s sort of unresponsive. We’ve been in a diner for the past two hours, nursing our sodas while I read a map and figure out the easiest way to get us to the sporting goods store, then to an off-the-grid camping area.
“Dar, I know you miss school and the football team, but trust me when I tell you it has to be like this. At least for now,” I mumble at him, watching his face as he zones out.
“It’s not that,” he grunts, tearing the wrapper from his straw into a million pieces. “I don’t care about football. It was just something to help me feel normal.”
I gulp. “Being normal is overrated. And stupid.” He scoffs. “All the best people are freaks.”
A small smile tugs at his lips, but he pushes it away, finally glancing up at me. “You know I actually convinced myself that I liked it? I mean, I think I kind of did…” His voice trails, and he shakes it off. “And the first thing I thought when you told me we were leaving was that I was gonna miss him.” He breathes out hard and closes his eyes for a second. “How fuckin pathetic is that?”
“You’renotpathetic, Darian. He is,” I growl from across the table. “He’s a fucking perverted scumbag who manipulated you and made you feel like it was right. The way you reacted, that wasn’t your—”
“Just stop,” he cuts me off, rubbing his eyes hard. “Can we get out of here? The smell of greasy food is making me nauseous.”
I stare at him for a moment, despondent and unsure of what I could do to help him. I just want tofixhim, and I have no idea how.
I suppose first thing’s first. “Okay.” I nod and signal the waitress for the check.
But then an idea pops up. Checking the map and the tourist guides, I grin to myself.
This is perfect.
We pay and leave the diner, taking a cab to our new destination. One pit stop before the mountain…
When we arrive, Darian’s glum face morphs into one more bemused. “What is this?”
We both step out of the cab, and I grin. “The fanciest hotel I could find that would take cash. And yes, they have an indoor poolanda Jacuzzi.”
Darian’s face lights up, and he turns to purse his lips at me. “I know you’re just trying to cheer me up.”
“Is it working?” I smirk, and he laughs.
“Yea. Definitely.”
We check into our hotel room for the night. It’s nothing too extravagant, but certainly nicer than anywhere either of us have ever been. The Jacuzzi is actually in the room. Apparently, all the suites come with one. Only problem is that they only had single rooms available, so we’ll be sharing a bed. It shouldn’t be a big deal, since we’re brothers, but for some reason it’s all I can think about for the rest of the afternoon.
That is, until I see how amped Darian is to chill by the pool. We spend all day in there, alternating between driving people crazy doing cannonballs you’re not supposed to do, and lounging in the chairs set up around the pool. By the time we come up to the room again, we’re all wrinkly. But Darian still wants to use the Jacuzzi.
I opt out, because while it claims to fit four people, it seems a little more intimate than I’m prepared for. Darian goes in and closes the door, and even though I know he’s had a great day and has been smiling nonstop, I’m still on edge. I can’t stop worrying about him, and eventually, I forgo trying to read and knock on the bathroom door.
“Dar?” I put my ear up to it. “You okay?”
