Page 82 of Serpent In White
As a family, we know how to have fun. I personally think when used recreationally, drugs and alcohol can be very helpful. The tricky part is not relying on it. We don’t have many issues with addiction here, but I’m not really the best to ask about that since my brother injects me with drugs once a week to keep me from losing my shit.
I just have to hope I’m not leading by example on this one topic, though Empyrean is completely safe. Drake makes it, and I trust him with my life. I think we’re fine since no one knows I do it. It’s Drake’s and my little secret.
Well, Abdiel’s now, too.
This leads me to think about Abdiel’s process of Ecdysis. Now that I’ve been away from him for a few hours, and the dust has settled on what we’ve done together so far, I find myself really hoping to Mother I haven’t pressured him into anything.
I know it feels different for me, and frankly, it feels different for him too, since I can hear his thoughts. But he’s so much younger and just experiencing a new mind-altering thing for the first time. It’s had me worrying nonstop since the night in the lake.
I can’t be likehim… If I ever do anything even remotely as abhorrent as what he did to me, I’d chop my own dick off. The troubling fact that I still think about it all time, and I’m almost forty, makes me feel like more of a failure than anything else.Why aren’t I strong enough?
Why can’t I let it go?
I decide to leave the girls before dinner and take a walk by the lake. The whole time, my mind seems to be lingering in the past. I wish it wasn’t, but there’s no helping it. Sometimes when I come out here, I remember too much. I do believe the past shapes us, and we all know I believe things happen for a reason. But that doesn’t mean we should dwell on it.
Yet I can’t not, especially around this lake.
The trees sway with me, with my memories. Birds hum familiar tunes, and the wind whips ripples across the surface of the water in shapes that remind me of years ago.
I’m not necessarilytroubled, no more than I usually am. Just… unearthed. Torn up.
Exposed.
As I’m walking back, the sun is setting, meaning they’ll likely start dinner soon. The flutters in my stomach at the thought of seeing Abdiel again give me comfort paired with distress. I can’t believe I’ve fallen so quickly for the kid…
What would his father think…?
The uneasy thought is cut short when I see him.Abdiel.
He’s over by the side of the Den, between Domestic housing and the path to the front door. A small smile grazes my lips but disappears quickly when I see him pacing. He looks unsettled. And he’s speaking to someone.
As I grow nearer, I can see around the corner. See who he’s talking to.
I stop in my tracks and blink.
It’s Drake.
Tilting my head, I watch them, Drake with his arms folded across his chest while he looks over Abdiel, listening to him intently while Abdiel apparently spills his guts. I worry my lower lip with my teeth.
What has him so upset? And why would he tell Drake and not me?
I calm my racing pulse and attempt to listen to them. I’m several yards away, but I can still make out what they’re talking about based on their thoughts, carrying much louder than voices.
I just can’t shake these feelings anymore… I think this is part of my Ecdysis, Drake. My rebirth…
Drake simply stares back at him, his brain full of fuzz. He does that… keeps us at a distance, so we can’t hear him unless he wants us to. First me, and now Abdiel.
But my prince keeps going.I need to know. I can’t put it off any longer.
I swallow, my heart thumping in my chest as he stops his pacing in front of my brother.
I’m going up the mountain. I have to find out what happened to my parents.
A chill runs over me, so hard my limbs tremor. And a deeply-set worry plagues my insides as I watch Drake nod. Then shrug. Then nod again, as if he has no possible response for the boy.
I tug at my hair, hard enough that it stings.Drake wouldn’t let Abdiel go up there alone… would he?
Stepping forward, I prepare to walk fast over to them, to interject. But then I pause once more when Abdiel launches himself at Drake, throwing his arms around his neck and burying his face in Drake’s sternum.
