Page 88 of Serpent In White
With my gaze on the side of his face, a desperation unlike anything I’ve ever felt crawls up my esophagus, burning worse than the liquor I’m sucking down. I almost cough it out like a cloud of smoke.
I focus my thoughts, so he can’t hear my truth. It kills me to cover it up, but I do. I must.
And I mumble, “That’s not what the Regnum wants. You know that.”
He nods and goes mute for another moment, while I stand still beside him, stinging all over like my entire existence is one big gaping wound.
Darian turns his blue eyes on me. “You know, he also thinks it’s bullshit that you won’t accept happiness. He wanted you to stay last night…”
My face is tight, a pressure building behind my eyes that I force away with every bit of strength I can muster. “Did he…”
Darian nods slowly, our eyes locked in a battle, one that’s been ongoing for more years than I’d care to count. He parts his lips, then snaps them shut. And I both dread what he was going to say and crave it, like a next hit of deadly poison in my veins I can’t seem to live without.
A knock on the door breaks through the ripples of unspoken pain as Darian calls out, “Come in.”
The door opens a crack, and Gina pokes her head in. “Dinner, sir.”
“I’ll be right there,” he tells her, eyes never once abandoning mine.
She leaves, and he finishes his drink, setting the glass down right next to my hand on the bar. His fingers graze mine, that one movement speaking volumes more than either of us will allow, from our mouths or our minds.
He leaves the room for dinner, and I’m stuck.
Nailed to the floor.
I don’t join them for dinner. Instead, I stay in the study the entire time, drinking and smoking. Trying to get my head on straight.
When I’m fuzzy yet somehow seeing clearly, I sneak out and cross the house to the lounge. Darian will likely bring Abdiel in here after dinner, at least to talk, and I’m not sure why but I feel like I should be there. It’s completely ludicrous, I know.
If Darian wants to enter a relationship with the kid, I should back the fuck off and not interfere. This is what I’ve been telling myself is necessary for years. Although subconsciously, I always knew it wouldn’t take, him attempting a relationship with females.
The wives have never been a true threat. Abdiel is.
Although, no, he isn’t. He’s a sweet kid, and I like him a lot. Contrary to what Darian would believe, Idocare about Abdiel. Maybe too much, hence the problem.
What the fuck was I thinking last night, being with them together? I should just leave them alone to do their thing… Like I was going to with Lars.
Did it kill me a little every time I knew Darian was with him? Sure. But I’m used to pain. It’s part of my existence.
And now the pattern is being repeated with his son. Only this time, I’ve inserted myself where I don’t belong.
I’m confused, and a little drunk. I hate this feeling. The confusion, not the drunkenness.
When I hear footsteps, my heart begins to race. Leaning up against the edge of the desk, I watch the door with wide eyes as it swings open.
“You’re being unnecessarily overprotective,” Abdiel grumbles as he wanders into the room, loosening the collar of his uniform button-down. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s hot, but I just don’t get it.”
Darian steps in after him, peering out into the hallway one last time before closing the door and locking it. “We need to talk about this, my prince. I want to understand your feelings. Your motivation.”
Abdiel opens his mouth as if to speak, but then their eyes land on me, and I wave.
“I um… I thought maybe I could help,” I say, even though it’s the stupidest possible thing I could utter right now.
Darian looks shocked, as if he truly didn’t expect me to stick around, and Abdiel looks pleased. Pleased to seeme.
I’d deny it if anyone asked, but honestly, it thaws my chest.A lot.
He steps up to me and gives me a small smile, propping next to me on the desk, basically mirroring my stance. And now we’re both staring at Darian, waiting for him to explain himself. I would feel bad about ganging up on him, but he’s the Head Priest. It’s his duty.
