Page 4 of Pull
And I was there to crash their fun. The lonely loser with no one, who left the home of his random fuck-buddy because his other fuck-buddies couldn’t have him around.
Tate and I had woken up that morning as if nothing happened. We ignored the awkwardness of me fucking him while pretending he was Ben, and just ate breakfast together, chit-chatting about nothing.
And then I left.
I didn’t tell him I would call him, because he knew I wouldn’t. What he didn’t know was that it wasn’t because I didn’t like him, or because I never wanted to see him again. It was because I wouldn’t be around, so calling him would make no sense.
I drove slow the whole way back to ABQ, knowing that showing up at the apartment on Christmas would open me up to all kinds of prodding from my friends. But that didn’t much matter either, because I was on a bit of a deadline at the moment.
I needed tostart packing.
I finally mustered the strength to get out of my car and ambled inside. Sure enough, there were Alec and Kayla, and her parents, sitting around in the living room sipping hot cocoa.
Swallowing down the uncomfortable burning tension inside me and ignoring the feeling ofunwelcomenessflooding my body, I gruntedheyand staggered toward my room. I almost made it, too…
“Ryan?” Alec’s voice beckoned from behind me, causing me to stop in place. “What are you doing back so soon?”
He and Kayla were immediately at my side, as were Kayla’s parents, who were clearly expecting the whole introduction thing. Ibarely managed to shaketheir hands and tell them my name before turning and jaunting quickly, and awkwardly, into my room.
“Hey…” Kayla chirped as they followed me. “Is everything okay?”
The dam was about to burst. I couldn’t face them. I knew I was just going to spill it; all the drama from the past week since I left, lying and telling them I was going to Denver to be with my mom, when in reality I had gone straight to Ben and Jess’s like a desperate little puppy.
“Ryan… what’s up, man?” Alec asked with worry lining his tone.
Kayla placed her hand on my shoulder and I squeezed my eyes shut. Dropping my bag, I sighed, my shoulders sagging in defeat as I turned to my friends. My anguishwas clearly writtenall over my face because they both instantly pouted and wrapped me up in a ridiculous group hug that would’vefelt much more patronizing if I weren’t on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
“Come on…” Alec crooned, bringing me over to my bed and sitting me down, plopping next to me. “Tell us what happened.”
Kayla disappeared for a moment to let her parents know we needed to have a pow-wow real quick, and I started spilling my guts to my best friend, releasing my demons, and the whole story about Ben and Jess, the blinding happiness of being with them for days, then the break-up, Tate, the party, the fight, and landing on the last and most crucial part of it all… My departure.
“So… You’re really leaving?” Alec mumbled, clearly trying to sound a little more macho and unaffected, but his eyes were giving him away. I felt like a real asshole for making him look like that.
I nodded slowly. “I think… I just need a fresh start, ya know? After everything with Ben and Jess and Hailey… I justgottago. I can’t be here anymore.”
“Andyou’ve already been accepted?” Kayla asked, rubbing my back in methodical circles, which wasactuallycalming me down a lot. She was such a great person.My best friend is a lucky guy.
I just want to have that some day… And I need to get away from here. Away from the memories of the people I want it with…
“Yea,” I sighed out hard. “My flight is in two days.”
“Where will you stay?” Alec asked. “Dorms?”
I shook my head. “My aunt lives out there. I already called her from the car. She said she’s happy to let me stay with her. Actually, she sounded pretty excited. She lives alone and all…”
The two of them nodded, but the mood in the room was grim. Alec and I had been best friends since freshman orientation. We had just clicked right away, so much sothatwe decided torent this place together, and living together ever since. It would be a big adjustment, not having him around.
“I’m…fuck,” Alec grunted, shaking his head, eyes stuck on the floor. “I’mgonnamiss you, Ryan. You’ve been like a brother to me.”
I saw him squeeze Kayla’s handandI was choking back tears. It sucked. The whole thing just sucked so bad. I didn’t reallywantto leave. But Ihadto.
I needed to go somewhere else and experience life. I needed to be free, far away from these painful memories and the peoplethey were centeredaround.
“You’ll always be my brother, Alec,” I told him, turning to face them both. “I could move to the fucking moon and you wouldn’t get rid of me. I promise.”
He smiled and Kayla giggled out a tinysob,which brought my attention to the fact that she was crying.
“And you, Kale…” I started, taking her chin in my fingers. “Take care of him, please. And don’t take any of his shit.” She laughed softly, half-crying, hugging onto Alec’s side. “Promise?”
