Page 5 of Pull
She giggled through a breath and nodded. “I promise.”
Sighing, I nodded to myself. “Good. Okay, well… I need to pack. So get back to your parents and enjoy your Christmas.”
The two of them obliged, though there was an obvious damper on the day, thanks to yours truly. I wasreallytrying to stow the guilt from mymany fuck-ups over the past month, and just focus on what I needed to do.I suppose I could let myself stew in my misery once I’m on the plane…
Hours later, Iwas almost donepacking. Understandably, I wasn’t taking everything I owned to my aunt’s; just the essentials. Alec claimed hewas going tokeep my bedroom for me in case I came back, or use it as a guest room, but I urged him to sell my stuff and find a new roommate. I had to be firm anda bitdistant, otherwise I would cave and talk myself out of the whole thing.
I just kept remembering Hailey’s advice from last night…
I needed to find my path. I couldn’t just stay there and torture myself. I was young. I had my whole life ahead of me, and it was time I startedmaking an effortto find out whoIwas. I needed to stop letting others control my happiness.
I was stuffing my laptop into my overnight bag when my fingers brushed something hard, yet softto the touch. I knew what it was rightaway,and tugged it out of my bag.
My heart pounded against my ribcage as I stared at the journal in my hands. The rose beneath the clear plastic; the three falling petals.
My throat constricted and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.
The tears I had been holding back since last night finally forced their way out.
I hugged the last remaining piece of them close to my chest, begging,prayingfor some relief from this broken heart, even though I knew it wouldn’t come.
I’d been through break-ups before. I knew that as much as it hurt,timewas ultimately the only thing which would heal my wounds. That, and some distance.
* * *
Boston was beautiful. Beautiful and fucking freezing.
It had been about a week since I said goodbye to my best friends, and my life in New Mexico. Two days after Christmas, I boarded a plane to Logan Airport and didn’t look back. I couldn’t, because if I was being honest with myself, I had left half of my heart back in the Southwest, and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d be able to survive without it.
I was trudging through the snow, making my way home after spending almost two hours in the law library of Suffolk University, locating all the books I would need to start classes tomorrow. Transferring mid-semester wasn’t something that people typically opted for, mainly because it was a huge pain in the ass for everyone involved. But the school would let you do it if you plead your case well enough. And paid the semester’s tuition in full, up front.
Say goodbye to all your money, genius. This little escape plan of yours just left you with a whopping eighty-five dollars in your bank account.
I tried to stop mentally scolding myself and remember that Jill, my aunt, had offered to lend me some money if I needed it. Not that I would take it unless I was truly in dire straits. She was already letting me live with her forfree,and had bought me an unlimited Charlie Card so I could get to and from school on the green line.
I didn’t need money for anythinganyway. I was a struggling student, putting himself through law school.It was expectedthat I’d be flat broke. I could get a jobbartendingor something, if it came to that. But as it stood, I just didn’t havetimefor anything other than school. Jill was feeding me and putting a roof over my head. I didn’t need much else for the time being.
I took the steps down into the train station slowly becauseeverything was coveredin ice, and I had already almost busted my ass four times since I left the house that morning. Jill thought it was hilarious how out of my element I was in New England. I hadn’t been around snow in years andclearlyI’d forgotten how to act.
The train was approaching as I was scanning my card, so I had to hustle to catch it before it left, slipping for the fifth time, but managing not to fall and embarrass myself. Crashing into a nearby seat, I yanked my heavy backpack, overflowing with books, off my shoulder, dropping it into my lap.
My nerves were getting to me.The idea of startingschool tomorrow was stressing me out, and I felt insecurities creeping through my mind that I hadn’t felt since I started UNM. Meeting new people, making new friends, dealing with new professors… Especially halfway through the semester. Itwasn’t going tobe easy.
Fortunately for me, all this new drama was serving its purpose. Distracting me from the hole in my heart, which was still so sore it felt like an open wound.
I thought about Ben and Jessica constantly. I just couldn’t get them off my mind, ever, and I hadn’t heard a word from either of them since New Year’s Eve.
I had been hanging out with my aunt. Some might say that spending New Year’s Eve with a gaggle of middle-aged ladies, smoking cigarettes and drinking Pabst,would’tbe an ideal way to count down to a new year. But I was nursing some serious heart-ache, so for me it worked out just fine. Plus, Jill’s friends loved me. I was young and hot, in their eyes, so they spent most of the evening teasing me and making shameless comments about my abs, until my aunt had to threaten them with physical violence.
We were drinking and playing Keno at a local bar in Allston when Jess called me. Andof courseI didn’t answer. I couldn’t. There was no way I could hear her voice… It would destroy me.
So I let the phone ring, all the while gaping at it like it contained the mark of the beast, until the call ended. And that was it. Not another peep, from either of them.
Of course, Ihadblocked Ben’s number right after leaving his house on Christmas Eve, because I knew I needed to. If Iwas going tobe strong and move on with my life, I couldn’t risk him trying to get to me, not even by message. Which was why I had also deleted my Instagramaccount.
Actively halting my mind from doing what it was doing, I opened my bag, taking out the one piece of them I allowed myself to hang onto…
The journal.
