Page 180 of Brainwashed
Opening the door for him, he saunters inside, stretching his arms behind his back. “I was hoping we’d go back to the mansion…”
I close the door and lock it. “The couch will have to do. Sorry, babe.”
He bites his lip. “I’m still mad, but you can keep calling me that if you want.”
A laugh comes out of me. It justburstsfrom my lips. “You likebabe?”
“Truthfully, you could call me anything and I’d be alright with it.” His brow arches. “Evensick fuck.”
Huffing, I shake my head, dropping off the food on the table before rushing to him. I take his face in my hands and force him to look at me. “I’m so sorry for earlier, Felix. I didn’t mean it…”
“Yes, you did.” His throat dips. “It’s okay. I know what I am…”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it right. The way I treated you… it was abhorrent. I’m sick over my behavior, baby.”
He gives me a look like I’m insane. “But I’m amurderer, Lem. I kill people… And I don’t even feel bad about it. Everything you said to me was true.”
“Yea, I know,” I breathe. “But does that mean you deserve to be used and tossed aside like garbage?” He makes a face that says,maybe…“Well, I guess that remains to be seen. ButIdon’t want to treat you that way. Because I think you’re amazing. Honest to God… I’mamazedby you.”
He places a palm flat on my chest, over the cut he made that’s just beginning to heal. “You only like me because I’m fucked up. I’m like a lab creation… something twisted and unnatural you keep in chains. You’re not supposed to care for that thing, Lem.”
“I know you’re not supposed to…” I whisper.But I think I do…
He shakes his head again, face decorated in duress. “I’m just saying, none of it matters. We could never… be together.” His eyes widen as he gapes at me. “I mean… if youwantedthat. Which I’m not saying you do…”
I pout at him, because he’s so fucking cute, then press my lips to his in a sweet kiss. One that isn’t demanding of anything. It’s just a kiss for Felix, because I think he needs one.
“I’m a monster.” His voice trembles. “And you’re not. You’re a regular person.”
“I’m far from regular,” I hum, amused. “What you were saying to me earlier was right. Iamfucked up. Not as much as you, but I have secrets, too…”
Our gazes absorb one another before his falls to my throat. I swallow hard.
“Come sit with me,” I insist softly, pulling him over to the couch.
He takes a gentle seat, and I sit right next to him, with our thighs touching. In this moment, I just want to talk to him. Not to examine him, not to get answers.I want to listen to him speak because I like his voice, and his words are the most interesting things I’ve ever heard. And I want to tell him things… Because I think he deserves that much.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” I lean back, slinking my arm around his waist.
He’s stiff for a moment before he gives in and nestles up to my side, pulling his knees up onto the couch. “Should I be worried?”
I grin and kiss his hair, savoring the scent. Even with being back to the prison showers, he smells incredible. I’m beginning to think it’s just him.
“What would you do if you saw Cameron again?” I ask him curiously.He stills, his face tipping upward.“I mean, how would you feel…?” I brush my fingers along his jaw. “Do you think… Are you still in love with him?”
At first, he looks like he has no earthly idea how to answer the question. He chews on his lip for a moment in thought before he shakes his head. “Honestly, I’m not sure that I everwasin love with Cam. I mean, I did love him, but he became a symbol for me. A talisman… He represented what I always thought I wanted. The perfect boy for me…” He takes in a breath, staring at me in a way that feels very heavy. “But you wanna know something?”
“Always.”
“I haven’t even thought about him in weeks.” He grins reticently then shakes his head. “I used to think about him all the time, but lately he’s been fizzling out of my thoughts. And I think I know why…” We stare at each other for many weighted seconds before he adds, “Why do you ask? Are you jealous?”
I laugh. “You mean like you going through my phone? Nah. I’m not that crazy.”
He gasps in faux outrage. “Excuse me! I’m the sanest serial killer you’ve ever met, remember?”
I chuckle and pull his mouth to mine. “Yea… you are.” Kissing him softly, I mumble, “I want to tell you something… About me.”
He rips his mouth away from mine and gawks at me. “But, Lemuel, I knowso muchabout you already.”
