Page 182 of Brainwashed
“I never speak about it.” I sigh, amusement falling away. “I haven’t spoken to Stephen since the day I kicked him in the nuts and ran from that basement like my life depended on it. I thought my parents hadn’t spoken with him either, but when I was at their house last month, I found a piece of mail from him.”
“What was it?”
I shrug. “Not sure. I didn’t read it.”
“You should have. Fuck that,” Felix grumbles. “And fuck your parents for being pieces of shit.”
Unable to stop myself, I launch at him, kissing him hard enough to surprise him with the dedication of my lips on his. I know this isn’t right, what we’re doing together. I don’t understand it one bit, but I feel things for Felix Darcey that I’ve never felt for anyone before him.
And some twisted part of me isdesperateto be the last man he falls in love with. The one he doesn’t kill.
I’m shivering with the severity of what’s happening in my chest as I murmur on his mouth, “You wouldn’t hurt me, Felix.” He whimpers and shakes his head doubtfully. But I keep going. “You could try, but I wouldn’t let you. That’s the difference between me and your victims. I’ve survived that sickness before…”
He drops his forehead onto mine. “Yea, but it’s not only that. I’m exactly what they say I am, Lem. Maybe I’m notevil, but I’m as close as it gets.”
“Don’t doubt yourself, baby,” I tell him, tracing the bandage on his chest through his shirt. “You’ve stayed true up until this point. What changed?”
I can feel him quivering as he breathes, “I’m in love with you.”
The strangest thing happens inside me when he says those words. The first ever true sense of relief washes over me. I feel placated, at ease. I feel like I’mhome.
How is it possible to feel this way when a serial killer tells you he loves you? And am I a total idiot for accepting these feelings from Felix, knowing he suffers from the same afflictions as the man who kidnapped and raped me? Sure, notexactlythe same… Because Felix feels a certain type of way about people who harm children. But still… It’s not a far stretch, it’s more like a hop.
And how would I know if he truly loves me, anyway? Felix Darcey falls in love with everyone. Am I to believe that his feelings for me aredifferent?
I suppose they could be… My feelings for him are, after all.
Felix snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I flinch. “Lemuel… you’ve been staring off into space for like a full minute. Did I scare the shit out of you? Because if so, we can totally forget I said that. I mean, it’s not like anything can come of it anyway… right?”
My brow furrows. “It can’t?”
“I don’t know…” He rubs his eyes. “I’m fucking selfish, baby. I want to keep you so bad. I want you to beminethe way I’m so obviously yours. But I’m here, and there’s no reason you should need to be stuck on this damn island just because I am…”
His possessiveness narrows my chest inside, like a vice grip on my lungs. I used to think it was discomfort. But I’m beginning to understand the sensation a little better…
“Come now, my killer bee,” I sigh, shifting him off of my lap. “No more talk. The food is definitely cold.” I reach for the bag, removing containers and silverware. “Eat.”
His eyes linger on me while he picks up his food and digs in. I do the same, the tension in the air stifling.
“I’m not brushing past what you said,” I tell him softly, my eyes flicking in his direction. “I… I like it. I think I’m glad that you are… you know…”
“In love with you?” he mumbles, and I nod.
“Yea. That.” I bite the grin of elation off my lips.
We both eat in silence for minutes. Just thinking and chewing, enjoying the food with all these uncertainties hanging over our heads like rain clouds.
“I forgive you,” he whispers.
Giving me more relief. “Thank you.”
Felix is asleep on my chest, on the couch in my office.
After finishing our food, I felt bad watching him squirm in pain, so I applied some lotion to his sore ass cheek. And then I sucked his dick, slow and really good, because I think he deserves to be pampered for a change. I even let him fuck my mouth, and then I swallowed his cum back like dessert because I can’t fucking resist his flavor and I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why.
He fell asleep lazily stroking my cock, mumbling aboutdraining my dick, though he was obviously too tired to follow through on that, which I was more than fine with.
I was more interested in watching him sleep and thinking about what on earth I’m going to do now.
