Page 57 of Brainwashed
He was alone.
It was a Thursday night in August, so there were plenty of people out, but it was still early. I stood by the entrance for a few minutes, taking deep breaths, waiting for my heart rate to even out. Until I heard Want’s voice again.
Go, Felix.
Go get him.
So I stepped over to the bar, trying my hardest not to look at him while I ordered a drink. I could feel him in my peripheral. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw him glance my way.
Even that had me flying high.
Picking up my vodka tonic, I sipped slowly, biting the inside of my cheek while I squirmed in place. Up close, I think it was clear that he was older than me. I was only eighteen. I wasn’t even old enough to go into bars, but thanks to a helpful fake ID and the fact that the door guys loved me, I could sneak by. But Emmanuel looked like he was twenty-five. Come to find out he was only twenty-three. But still… I liked it.
I liked the idea of an older guy being interested in me.
So with that thought bounding around my brain, I turned to face him. And he turned to face me.
And he smiled.
I was fuckinggone.
“Hi,” he’d said, his voice slinking its way through my ears into my brain, melting over it like Velveeta. “I’m Emmanuel.”
“F-felix,” I stuttered, kicking myself for being such a loser. I bit my lip, and his eyes fell to my mouth. I swallowed down a gulp.
“You wanna dance?” he asked me, and he looked like hereallywanted to. I couldn’t believe it.
He was actually talking to me. He wanted to dance… withme.
But then I remembered… “I’m a horrible dancer.” I was being fully serious, but Emmanuel laughed. It was like music to my ears.
“Tell you what, shy guy.” He picked up his drink and killed it. “How about we just get out of here?”
My entire body was fizzling like it was filled with Pop Rocks. I couldn’t believe it was happening. The guy I’d been obsessing over for weeks wanted to leave withme. And sure, there was a voice in my head that thoughtmaybe he’s just using you for a place to stay, since he didn’t seem to have anywhere to go. But I didn’t care. I wanted him too badly.
I was obsessed, and I knew it would be my downfall. My heart, reaching out with grabby hands for another human being. It controlled everything.
And I thought,maybe he’ll fill that void inside me.
So I nodded, pulling some cash out of my pocket and tossing it down on the bar. My eyes, glued to Emmanuel’s perfect smile, managed to move up to his. And I found them to be hazel swirls of green and brown.
Just like Cam.
There was no turning back after that.
Emmanuel and I left together and got into a cab. We held hands in the backseat, our fingers subtly playing, brushing and teasing, working me up so strong that by the time we stepped out in front of my building, I was about to burst. I had to adjust my erection in my pants so it wasn’t completely visible as I walked him inside to my place.
“Wow…” He’d admired his surroundings, spinning in place as I locked up behind us. “You live here alone?” I nodded slowly, watching him with hungry heart eyes. “What do you do?”
“I’m still in school,” I mumbled. “I go to LIU. My parents pay for the place.”
He peeked at me over his shoulder while wandering around my apartment, checking things out. “You just became a million times hotter.”
Of course he meant because I had money. I know that now. But again, at the time, I didn’t care. My parents paid for everything, and I had a credit card with a five-thousand-dollar limit. IfEmmanuel the Gorgeouswanted to stay with me and let me buy things for him, I was totally fine with it.
The need for love has always blinded me. I was willing to overlook a lot just to find that perfect someone.The other half of my person.
Emmanuel stepped up to Want and examined him. I held my breath, frantic thoughts ringing,Oh God, he’s gonna be freaked out. Why didn’t I stuff him into the closet or something??
