Page 59 of Brainwashed
When he came back upstairs, I was on edge, and I think he could tell.
“So I think I’m gonna go stay with Pete,” he said casually, stepping over to me. His large hand cupped my jaw, and my heart was crumbling in my chest. “This weekend was incredible, baby.”
He kissed my lips softly, and I felt like I could cry. The thought of never feeling those lips again… Of losing the affection I’d gotten so used to.
I couldn’t stand it.
“Then stay,” I pleaded softly, fisting his shirt. “Move in with me. I’ll pay for whatever you want… Just… don’t go.”
Emmanuel shushed me, and I hated myself. I hated how pathetic I sounded in that moment. How weak and worthless I was.
Can’t even keep a man.
He doesn’t want you.
The nagging in my brain grew louder as Emmanuel pulled away. “I have to go, Felix. I can’t stay here. I’m going to Miami to live with my cousin.”
“No…” I shook my head over and over, grasping him by the wrist and holding on tight. “You said you were happy with me. You can just leave…”
“I was happy, but I can’t juststayhere…” he protested, trying to yank himself back.
I held on harder. “Why not?” My voice shifted to severe in my panic.
Emmanuel’s eyes hardened. “You wanna know why? You’re too intense, Felix. You put too much pressure on me to like, fix you or something.” My brow furrowed, the pain in my chest sharp like I’d been stabbed. He huffed and shook his head. “I’m sorry that you’re damaged, babe. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but it’s too much for me. The sex was great, but it’s time for me to go.”
Using the fact that I was distracted by the hurt, he tugged himself free of my grip and moved for the door. I stepped in front of it.
Things grew hazy. My vision blurred.
Emmanuel was barking at me to get out of the way, but I could barely hear him over the voice in my head… It sounded like Want.
Likeme…
You can’t let him leave, Felix.
Don’t let him go.
He’s happy with you.
He needs to stay.
My breathing shallowed as I reached for Emmanuel one last time.
He tried to fight me off, but I got my hands around his neck. We struggled, fought each other. He was gasping things like,get off me, you psycho. But I wasn’t really listening to him.
I was far,faraway, lost in my memories of this past weekend. Remembering how good it felt to have him there. To have someone to love.
We stumbled to the floor, and I squeezed his throat, choking him as best I could. But my hands were growing tired. His eyes were glazing over, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. When I just couldn’t do it anymore, I let go. He began coughing hysterically, trying to catch his breath while I grabbed a ten-pound weight from the floor nearby.
I lifted it and swung.
In one swoop, I bashed his skull. And he was dead.
There was blood flowing all over my floor while I wheezed, and my head spun.
I couldn’t believe I’d just done that. I stared down at his lifeless body. Frozen in time.
He was sosad…
