Page 151 of For the Fans
I hate this so much.
“Stop…” I cry, tears falling from my eyes as I scratch and dig to escape, but I can’t fucking move. I’m stuck, like my body is frozen solid. Kneeling and subservient.
“You know who you are.”
No. No, no, no, please. Please stop.
“This is you, Kyran. He made you this way…”
The hand draped in something uneven covers my mouth, and I fall away, into the abyss.
“No!” I gasp, shooting upright in bed.
Struggling for breath, I blink away the fog of my nightmare, gazing frantically around the room. When the veil lifts, and reality finally comes back into focus, I exhale shakily. I’m in my bedroom, and I’m alone.
“Fuck.” I rub my eyes hard, brushing sweat-slicked hair away from my forehead.
I didn’t miss those fucking dreams…
Sure, I still have them on occasion, but nowhere near as often as I did when I lived here. Under the same roof as my father and all of the lies he clings to. It’s inescapable when I’m here. Like a monster that lives under my bed.
I glance at the clock on my nightstand. It’s just after one in the morning.He’s probably still at his stupid mass…
Scoffing, I shake my head, sliding out of bed to pad quietly over to the bathroom. I’m in there for a few minutes, splashing water on my face and gargling mouthwash to get the bitter taste of fear out of my mouth. But when I’m done, I find myself staring at the door on the right… the one that leads to Avi’s room.
And my feet take me there, without a second thought.
Turning the knob, I push open the door just a crack, peering into the dark room. I find him right away, lying in his bed with his arms folded beneath his head, staring up at the ceiling.
His eyes flick to mine, and he sits up slowly. “Hey…”
“Sorry,” I mumble, stepping into the room. “I couldn’t really sleep.”
“Yea…” He blinks at me. “I heard you yelling something in there…”
“Did I wake you up?” I ask remorsefully.
“Nah. I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.” I nod, shifting my weight in the middle of the room until he grins. “Kyran… come here.” He pats the bed. “Keep me company.”
I force a scowl to cover up a smile that feels way too eager as I wander over. “Fine. If youinsist…”
Avi shakes his head, huffing, “Stubborn idiot,” while I crash down onto the bed next to him with a sigh.
He scoots over to make room, but not much. I lie on my back while he’s on his side, facing me. And I know he’s staring at me, so I peek in his direction.
“Are you alright?” he asks, dark brows zipped together in obvious concern for me.
It’s almost suffocating, how effortlessly he notices that I’m not. And the idea that he might know… That he could figure outwhyI am this way has me gulping back every bit of emotion I can swallow, keeping the façade intact.
“Yea, I just…” I reply, as evenly as possible. “It was a nightmare. That’s all.”
Avi doesn’t seem placated by my bullshit words. He nestles in closer to me. “So what’s up with you and your dad?”
I stiffen. “What do you mean?”
“It’s like, ever since I’ve known you, you guys have had this obviously fucked-up relationship… I’ve always wondered what it’s about.”
“It’s notaboutanything,” I mutter the lie, hanging on to it with clutched fingers. “He’s just an asshole. He doesn’t really care about me…”
