Page 179 of For the Fans
“I know.” I scrape a hand over my face. “I know that, and I know you’re scared, but let’s just think about this for a second…”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” he hisses, coming at me until he’s so close I can feel him vibrating. “How is this even a debate, Avi?? Delete the fucking account.Now.”
My eyes flick over to Frankie, who’s hovering, looking all kinds of uncomfortable. “Frankie, can you please give us a minute?”
She nods, and leaves the dorm, stepping out into the hall. I’m not sure if she’s sticking around or just going home… I kind of want to talk to her and find out how bad she thinks this is.
But I don’t have time for that right now. Because Kyran is spinning out.
“This is all your fucking fault…” he mumbles, stalking back and forth, ripping his hair in his fists.
“Myfault??” I gasp, shocked by what he’s saying. “You cannotpossiblyblame me for this…”
“You should’ve been more careful, Avi!” he roars. “You should’ve blurred your face, too. Because how long until someone we know puts two and two together?? You know it wouldn’t be that difficult.”
I falter for a second, a wave of hurt and anger and guilt crashing over me like a tsunami.
“You’re barely even in the subscription content, though… Only the PPV videos,” I mumble, chewing on my lip because I know it’s not entirely true.
His Twitter account never showed his face. Mine did on occasion… But the OnlyFansdefinitelyshowed mine. All you’d have to do is pay twelve dollars to see my face. I always blurred Kyran’s, even in the exclusive content, but still… Recently, there have been more posts of us together, outside of the pay-per-view.
Because it stopped being about the money, and started being aboutus.
Like the picture of Kyran snuggling up on my chest. His face isn’t visible, but now that I’m thinking about it, it wouldn’t be outside of the realm of possibility for someone to figure out that it’s my stepbrother in those pictures and videos.
“Are you just hellbent on fucking destroying me??” he growls. “Is that it?!”
“You sound crazy right now…” I mutter.
“Deletethe fucking account, Avi, or so help me...”
“You’re overreacting,” I bark at him. “I’ll call Zeb! I’ll talk to his friend and find out what he knows. It’s not serious enough to flush it all down the fucking toilet!”
He covers his face with his hands and roars into them. “Avi! Wake up! We have madeplentyof fucking money off this! Enough is enough, we have to let it go now!”
“It’s not about the fucking money!” I snap, aiming a desperate glare at him.
He stares at me, chest heaving in his state of furious duress.
“It’s not about the money…” My voice loses all traces of anger, slipping into pleading hopelessness as I whisper, “It’s aboutus.”
Kyran gapes at me, and I can tell there’s a war going on inside him… Between the part of him that understands exactly what I’m talking about, and the part that doesn’t want to. Stepping upto him, I place my hands on his chest, feeling the heat in his body and the shivers from his nerves.
“Ky… this accountisus. It’s the whole story, played out for people who have loved watching us together. People who think we’respecial.” I pause, swallowing over the raw vulnerability in my tone. “I know you’re used to people fawning over you, but I’m not, okay?? I never get that, from anyone but them. Thefans. They think we’re fuckingperfect, and it’s not just about the sex… I’ve gotten messages from people telling me how watching our videos gave them the courage to come to terms with their sexuality… From people who say they felt scared, and alone, but watching ushelpedthem…”
My voice shudders as I choke back the emotion enough to tell him, “And I’ve gotten messages from people who said they couldfeelour connection… That seeing me and youtogetheris more special than a million other videos of people fucking.”
My hand slides up to cup his jaw. “And I agree, baby. This isn’t about the sex, or the money anymore. It’s aboutKyran and Avi, and I don’t… I don’t want to give this up if it means I’ll lose you, too.”
I have to drop my face, because I’m scared to death to look at him right now. I feel like I’ve been split open at the middle, all of my ugly insecurities exposed like a soft underbelly.
“Avi…” his coarse voice whispers as he takes my hands in his. “I ambeggingyou to delete that account. Please, just think about me and my future… The NFL. Put the rest of it aside, just for right now, and think about how much this could fuck me over if someone found out.”
My chest caves, and I close my eyes. It feels like I just ripped my heart out of my chest and handed it to him… And he’s talking about fuckingfootball.
“Did you even hear anything I just said…?” I step back, bending at the waist and covering my head with my arms, because everything hurts.
“Yes. I did… Of course I did,” he mumbles. “But I’m just saying that, for right now, it’s not about us, it’s aboutme.”
