Page 185 of For the Fans
God, I fucking hate this. I need to get the hell out of here.
“Well, it’s been fun catching up, but I better get going,” I grunt through gritted teeth, staggering to the door.
“Kyran, wait.” Avi follows me, grabbing my arm before I can reach for the handle. “Don’t leave yet. We can go somewhere and talk…”
My body turns to him on its own, breaths shallowing at the way his smell is suddenly overwhelming my senses. It reminds me of Christmas…
I bite my lip, our eyes locked together while his plead for me to stay, and mine display how much Ireallyfucking want to. But then I peer past him, at Ash goddamn Holloway, who’s just lingering there, watching us curiously.
My spine stiffens, and I shake my head. “Nope, that won’t be necessary. I just came over to… invite you to a party in my dorm tonight.”
Avi’s forehead lines, and he cringes when Ash starts singing, “Party party partyyy! We are so there!”
Gulping, I shoot Avi a furiously helpless look, cocking my brow.We??
He mouths the words“nothing happened,”shaking his head firmly like he really wants me to believe him.Ireallywant to believe him…
But I just sigh, exhausted by this whole ordeal, as I turn back to the door. “Alright, then. I’ll see you both in a few hours.”
Pulling open the door, I hear Ash crooning, “Bye!” Then he whispers to Avi, “What’s his name again??”
“Kyran,” Avi growls, and Ash hollers, “Byee, Kyran!”
Slamming the door behind me, I stomp up the hall, fuming my way into the elevator. But once I’m inside, I collapse into the wall, fisting hands in my hair.
What the fuck?? It wasn’t supposed to happen like that…
This party officially has disaster written all over it.
Music is thumping. Drinks are flowing.
Kyran is obsessing, Kyran is raging.
I’ve been doing my best to forget what happened earlier, by drinking as much as it takes to subdue my racing thoughts, but even that isn’t working. Now, instead of simply fixating on all the bullshit in my life, I’m doing so while intoxicated, which only doubles the frustration, confusion, and general agony I’ve been feeling for a week.
Avi still hasn’t made an appearance, and I can’t stop thinking about the reason for his absence…
Is he hooking up with Ash?
Are they banging out a quickie before the party?
Are they filming themselves fucking for Avi’s new and improved OnlyFans, because all he really needed was a body and now I’ve been replaced??
I’m probably fucking insane… In fact, IknowI am. But I can’t fight away the idea that the reason Avi was so bummed about shutting down the OnlyFans was because he just loves theattention. And sinceI’mthe one who can’t be a part of itanymore, it would only make sense that he’d find someone new to fuck for money.
Spiraling, I bring my cup to my lips, taking a large gulp of some potent drink Bea gave me. Theo invited her, and in turn, she invited all of her friends, like Micah and Frankie, and the judgy one who wears the ostentatious outfits…What’s his name again?
Oh yea. Zeb.
The one who knows about the OnlyFans.
I’ve been watching him casually since he got here, and not once has he given me a smirky look that would indicate him having seen me get fucked by my stepbrother. He’s not even paying any attention to me at all, and dread slowly retreats as I consider that maybe Ididoverreact.
Avi was right. My face was never in any of the content. Someone would have to really be digging to piece it together, and I just don’t see random kids at BC going through that kind of detective work for no reason.
I just feel fucking stupid about the whole thing. To blame Avi was a low blow, and the guilt is still churning in my gut. After all, Iagreedto it. I’m a consenting adult.
I wasn’t coerced or tricked. Ichoseto have sex on camera because I needed the money, and whatever happens, I should have to suffer the consequences right alongside my partner.Businesspartner.
