Page 20 of For the Fans
My dad and Hannah are eagerly awaiting Avi’s news, while I’m just sitting here, vigorously peeling chunks of label off my empty beer bottle.
“I’ve decided I won’t be going to Tufts,” Avi announces, and that gets me. My eyes spring up, and of course he’s staring right at me. “Because I got accepted to BC.”
What… the… fuck?!
I feel all the color drain from my face. My heart has completely stopped pumping and is just sitting in my chest like a dead hunk of meat.
No… No, no, no. No fucking way.
I don’t even notice how hard my fingers are digging into the table until they start to ache.
“Aviel! Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Hannah cheers, jumping up to hug her son.
“Congratulations, Avi!” My dad squeezes his shoulder. “Both of my boys going to Boston College!”
I’m gonna throw up.
“Go Eagles.” Avi grins at me while our parents freak out all around him. His dark eyebrow cocks. “Right,bro?”
Forcing myself into motion, I shove my chair back with a loud scrape. I feel physically sick and lightheaded as I stand up.
“Well… that’s just fucking perfect,” I croak, turning away from them and staggering inside the house, slamming the door behind me.
It’s a sliding door, so you really can’t slam it, which only serves to piss me off more. And I end up reopening and closing it four times just to slam it as hard as I can.
Completely unsatisfying.And now I look like even more of child having a temper tantrum.
“Fuck!” I growl out loud, ripping my hair at the roots.
This is such bullshit! I thought I was escaping him going to BC! Now he’s following me there, like some kind of unavoidable nuisance.
I’m shaking, I’m so angry. Stalking over to the birthday cake on the counter, I hock a massive, raging loogie and spit it right on top of the pretty chocolate frosting.
“Take that, asshole,” I teem.
Rushing through the house and up the stairs, I go to my bedroom and slam the door.Much better.I let out an even louder roar of frustration, grabbing the nearest item—a football trophy from middle school—and whipping it against the wall.
“Fuck you!” I seethe, pacing in circles. “Fuck you and your birthday. Fuck you and your BC acceptance letter… Fuck you and your smile! Fuck you fuck youfuckyou!”
I’m fuming and can barely see through the red.I fucking hate him!I fuckingdespisehim for stealing literallyeverythingI have. Everything that was mine is now his, and it’s almost devastating.
Crawling onto my bed, I cover my head with my pillow and try my hardest to calm down. Sucking in breath after breath, I struggle to bite back the emotions.
Swallow them. Swallow swallow swallow.
Like fighting to eat something disgusting. Chew and fucking swallow it; push it all down; pack it into your gut.
“This isn’t a joke. You can’t just make things up like this, Kyran. I’m sure you’re overreacting.”
“Fuck you,” I breathe, choking on the emotions trying to scrape back up my throat like bile.
“I’m not making it up…”
“Yes, you are. Stop lying.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Fuck… you…” I whimper, with tears pushing behind my eyes.
