Page 208 of For the Fans
I’m gay, and I’m in love with my stepbrother.
There it is.
Wow… This must be what really great drugs feel like.
“What the hell are you smiling about in here, man??” Guty staggers past me into the room, going for his gym bag. “We’re burning daylight!”
“Sorry,” I grunt, forcing myself to sound normal, and not like someone who’s totally in love with his stepbrother.
Getting dressed in my workout gear, I follow Guty to the gym, looking to burn off some of this excess energy before we board our flight to Cali.
Tomorrow will be a huge day… Biggest game of my life.
And for the first time ever, it really feels like I have someone towinfor.
By the time I’m settled in the hotel in Pasadena, the high from earlier has worn off a little, and I’m fucking annoyed about it.
I don’t want to be feeling all nervous and bunched up and uneasy, but I can’t help it. On top ofeverything elsethat’s happening right now, I’m seeing my sister for the first time in six years, and it’s fucking me up a lot.
Of course I miss her like crazy. Bridget and I were super close before she left… Especially when we were little. Sure, I was her annoying little brother, and she was my mean big sister who used to dress me up in her clothes and put makeup on me. But that’s just your standard sibling stuff, really.
Outside of that, she was my protector. My best friend. When it was clear that our parents were too involved in themselves, Dad with his work and Mom with her country club friends, Bridget looked after me. We used to play together every day after school, until she became a teenager and her friends took priority over family.
She’s never said it to me, but I think she harbors a lot of guilt after what happened. Because she wasn’t around to keep me safe.
But it wasn’t her fault.What could she have done, anyway?
That’s kind of why I want to talk to her alone first, before she meets Avi. I want to make sure she knows we don’t need to get into all that… stuff. Thepast. Especially with Avi around. I can’t have her bringing up things he doesn’t know…
Because more than any of the rest of it, Ican’tdeal with Avi finding out the truth. It’ll change everything.
Unfortunately, my Uber pulls up at the restaurant where we’re meeting for dinner at the same time that Avi is hopping out of his. Still, I can’t find it in myself to be bummed that I won’t get to see Bridget alone… Because Avi’s here.
And he looksperfect.
He’s dressed the way he always is… in ripped black jeans and worn Converse sneakers. A long-sleeved navy button-down hanging open to reveal a tank top underneath with holes in strategic places, allowing me to see little glimpses of olive skin and lines of muscle. His hair is its usual thick, silky mane of tousled strands, so dark brown it almost looks black. And my fingers are immediately wiggling with the desire to comb through it while he kisses me dizzy.
I can still barely believe how easily I’m registering him asfuckhot. I used to do everything in my power to stuff thoughts like that down; to keep from noticing him in his every inch of pure masculine, yet somehowpretty,perfection. But now they just won’t go… Because I don’t want them to.
He’sgorgeous, and when he spots me, the slight curve to his lips eases into a full-blown Avi smile; pearly white teeth, plush pink lips… The works.
And I feel lucky. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole world, being the one he smiles at like that.
This is all so new to me… But sneaking out from the shadowed corners of my mind, it feels familiar. Because I think I’ve felt this way about him for a while, and the only difference is thatnowI’m not running away from it. I’m letting it envelop me,like his big, strong arms do when he wanders over and wraps me up in a hug that has my entire existence melting into him.
“God, I fucking missed you so much…” he whispers in my ear, decorating my neck in a few secret kisses while his hand cups the back of my head.
My arms lock around his waist and I hold him as close as possible, resting my head against his.This feeling is such bewildering bliss…
The muscles in his chest brushing my own, our shared height and strength, and his smell… The whole thing makes me feel drunk. Taking in a deep whiff, I hold it in my lungs, mesmerized by how familiar it is.
Amber, bergamot, sandalwood, and burnt hemp. He smellsexactlylike the candle Bridget sent me for Christmas. The one she used to burn in her bedroom, before she moved away.
The scent that calmed me and comforted me when I was choking and sputtering for air…
Except there’s one difference. Avi also smells like strawberry candy. And it makes the scent a million times better.
“Baby, you’re shaking.” Avi pulls back to lock his foggy blue eyes on mine. “Are you cold?”
