Page 253 of For the Fans
“Kyran, it’s true.”
I gulp. “Okay, it is. But still, you can fix it! Go fix things with her like you are with me.”
He smiles sadly. “I think I also have some working on myself to do.” He pats me on the shoulder. “You’ve inspired me, son.”
My heart is literally bursting out of me, I’m so happy. I can’t even believe what I’m hearing, but it feels amazing.
I think I might have a real father…Only twenty years into my life, but whatever. Better late than never.
My dad gives me a puzzled look. “So Avi didn’t tell you? About the divorce?”
“I um… haven’t spoken to him in, like, a month.” I rub the back of my neck.
“Why not?” His head tilts.
“I left him… so I could figure this stuff out,” I sigh. “I didn’t want to bring all this emotional baggage into a relationship.”
My father’s eyes shine with regret, and I know it’s because he’s finally recognizing that he’s responsible for a lot of my issues. “But if you really… love each other.” He chokes on the words a bit and it makes me laugh. “What?? Forgive me, I’m trying.”
“I know,” I sigh. “You are. It’s okay to not get the gay thing right away, Dad. I don’t need you to…”
He gives me a stern look, though he’s smirking. “All I’m saying is Avi doesn’t seem like the kind to turn his back on something good just because it might be difficult.”
“You’re right,” I hum, going back to my phone. “I’m gonna go see him now. It’s time.”
“You need a ride?” he asks, and I peer at him.Who is this man??He just chuckles and nods. “Come on. Let’s go.”
Alright then.
Following my dad to his car, I hop in with him and he drives us to Brookline. My head is really spinning right now, so many different things bounding around inside me. I’m excited—ecstatic, really—with now things are going with my dad. And I’m anxious to see Avi again, for the first time in over a month. So much so that I can’t stop moving. My knee is bouncing rapidly, fingers twisting up in my lap as we pull onto Frankie’s street.
My dad makes a sound like a small laugh, and I peek at him. “What?”
“You’re obviously really excited to see him.” He grins. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
Slumping back in my seat, I murmur, “I’m nervous. What if he’s mad about me taking off?”
“That doesn’t seem like Avi,” he replies. And I nod, because he has a point. “I’m sure he’ll just be glad that you’re doing well.”
I point out Frankie’s building, and he pulls up along the curb.
“Dad, I really appreciate this,” I tell him, unbuckling my seatbelt. “It feels good to be able to talk to you… Like a real father and son.”
“I know.” He nods. “I just want you to know you’ll always have a place in our home… If you wanted to move back. For any reason.” He rubs the back of his neck, and I grin. “You could even bring Avi, if you… wanted to…”
I laugh softly. “Yea, I’m sure you’d love that.”
“Ky,” he mumbles as I open the door. “God loves you, no matter what. Know that. He isn’t the God I used to think he was… He’s so muchbetter. Caring and sympathetic. Don’t let what happened steer you from having real faith. Not the stuff I used to push on you. Faith inyourselfis faith in Him.”
Nodding, I smile at my dad, hopping out of the car and waving him off before I jog up Frankie’s stoop. I’m not sure I’ll be able to have a relationship with God, after everything… But I also thought that about my dad, and now look at us.
All it takes is finally opening yourself up to it.
Maybe he’s right… Maybe faith is justbelief. Belief in yourself and your own strength; in the complex human life, and your ability toloveand persevere.
Maybe God is just us, believing.
Outside of Frankie’s apartment door, I pause to breathe before knocking. My heart is in my throat, anticipation bubbling in me like a pot boiling over.
