Page 257 of For the Fans
I’m in love with an angel who never stopped believing in me… Even after every bad thing I ever did to him. An angel I used to say hurtful things to, but who still spoke words of encouragement to me when I needed it… Who was there for me when no one else was. An angel who told me it’s not over until it’s over. Because it’s not. I promise, it’s not.
My angel was the last person I thought I could love…
But I came back to him, over and over, because my heart wanted him when I didn’t understand why. And now I do understand it. It’s as clear as the crystalline grayish blue in his eyes.
My angel saved me. He rescued me from hiding. He held me when I needed him, and he loved me when I didn’t.
He’s selfless, real… just a brilliant, beautiful fucking weirdo.
I’m in love with an angel… And his name is Avi.
My heart is aching,throbbingby the time I’m done reading, a tickling pressure in my sinuses making me sniff over and over. I could fall to my knees right now, I’m quaking so deep down to my core.
I can’t believe he wrote this… On his real profile. His profile that everyone knows is his. He wrote this for me.
“Where are you, baby?” I whisper to my phone, bottom lip shivering. “Just comehome.”
It feels impossible not to call him right now, but I force myself not to, because I just can’t anymore. He hasn’t answered a single one of my calls in almost six weeks, and the only time he’s said anything to me is that text I received weeks ago, telling me he’s okay, and that he’s coming back for me. And for that reason alone, I’ve held out hope.
I need to give him space.
But it hasn’t been fucking easy.
We don’t need to be apart. Because what he doesn’t know is that I didn’t save him… He savedme.
I spent most of my life drifting… never really knowing who I was, or what I was meant to be. Until my grouchy stepbrother came along, and showed me.
I’m amascot; someone who supports and rallies for others. I’m an artist and an entertainer. I’m a lover, a friend, but most of all, I’min lovewith the man who made all of that so painfully apparent to me.
The hot grouchy blonde, with all his internal scars. He took my hand at the edge, and squeezed it. And we felltogether.
For only the millionth time since he left, I have to force myself to toss my phone away. Rushing into my bedroom, I locate a joint, hidden away in my desk drawer.
I know I quit smoking for Kyran, and I’m proud of myself for holding out as long as I have. But right now, I just need to get high… to numb myself of all these feelings. To forget about how empty I am without him here.
I’m flicking the lighter over and over, grumbling to myself about how it sucks and I need to get a new one, when there’s a knock at the front door.
I freeze with the joint between my lips, standing still for a moment before I pluck it out and toss it back onto my desk.Stowing my frustrations as best I can, I pad my way through the apartment over to the door, more impatient knocking happening as I reach for the handle.
Without a second thought, I whip it open, barking, “Alright, alright… Hold your—”
But all my rumbling annoyance dissolves with my voice when I’m met with hazel eyes, golden hair, and a puffy pink grin.
“Wow…” Kyran sighs, cocking his head. “You look…distraught.”
My brow furrows, blinking rapidly as my mouth hangs open. I’m gawking at him for a solid three seconds before I’m finally able to stammer, “N-no, I don’t…”
“Youdo.” His beautiful grin widens, and surely, I’m hallucinating.He’s not really here… This must be a tulpa I’ve manifested in my state of lonesome misery.“You look like you’re doing just…awfulwithout me.”
I’m shocked. Stunned.He’s really here…?
Kyran…
Kyran’s here.
And he’sright. I’m running on fumes, and I know I probably look all disheveled and heartbroken. But there’s no way I canadmitthat to him when he just showed up and startled me like this.
So I purse my lips and mutter, “Actually, I’m living the dream. Who even are you?? You’re disturbing my lunch of diamond caviar and gold-dipped truffles.”
