Page 131 of Fragments
“No…no no no… I don’t… I didn’t…mean to…”
It’s exactly like the panic attack he had in the rec room that day, after he beat the shit out of Ren. And I’d say this sort of PTSD-like unearthing of trauma has the potential to stir up more symptoms of whatever disorder he has.
I can’t have that. I need to help him.
“Dash, are you alright, man?” I lift him up off the floor, carefully helping him to his bed. “What happened?”
He’s sputtering for air, face ashen, sweat breaking out on his forehead. “I can’t… breathe…”
“Here.” Gently grasping him by the shoulders, I lean him forward. “Put your head between your knees. Like this.”
I have some experience with panic attacks, due to my mild social anxiety, so I’m familiar enough with how to get your heart rate under control when it feels like your lungs are shriveled to the size of a deflated balloon.
“Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.” I demonstrate. “Do it, Dash.”
He nods uneasily, sucking in air through his nose, blowing it out slowly through his mouth while I do it along with him, rubbing his back in calming circles. He’s shaking so badly, he’s practically vibrating next to me. But I just keep breathing with him and rubbing his back untilfinallyhe starts to relax a little.
My eyes shift to some visibly new ink on his wrists…Myon one, andOfficeron the other.
Holy… whoa.
I try to focus as his bunched-up muscles ease, breathing beginning to regulate. It takes minutes, but eventually, he sits up straight, blinking as he looks around the room.
“Dude, what the hell happened to you?”
Dash peers at me, forehead lined in some very intense emotions. He’s looking at me fondly, but also with some guilt and worry shimmering in the hazel of his irises.
“Luthor.” He says my name on a ragged breath. “If I told you to come with me to solitary tomorrow night… If I told you we could get out of here, and all you have to do is follow me… would you?”
Oh, no.
No no no… Not this again.
My spine stiffens. “Dash… I think you need to get some rest. You’re not making any sense.”
“No, I’m serious.” He rubs his face. “I’m getting out of here tomorrow, Luthor, and if you want, you can come with me. I think you should. This place is…” His voice trails as he blinks desperation at me. “I don’t want you to waste away in here. You’re my friend.”
The strongest wave of déjà vu washes over me while I stare at him, mouth hanging agape. It’s like I’m right back to last year, sitting in thisexact same spot, gaping at a frantic Henry Landon who swore to me he wasgetting out of here.
My heart clenches inside my chest. “What are you even talking about?” I gasp, pretty much the same words. “How could you be getting out? It makes no sense…”
“I have a plan. We do… One of the guards is…” Dash stops abruptly, staring at me for a moment before he says, “It’s going to work. Tomorrow night, through solitary… You have to come with me, Luthor. You can be free andlive. Live the rest of your life, outside of this shithole.Please… Come.”
He’s begging me,pleadingwith his eyes and a tone dripping affection. And I’m falling apart inside. This feelsjust likewith Landon, only worse. Because Dash seems like he needs me to believe in this with him, and I justcan’t.
Not again… I’ve seen it too many fucking times.
Jumping up from the bed, I begin pacing around the room. “No. You’re fucking nuts. There’s no way that would ever work, and I can’t…” I exhale roughly, shaking my head over and over to expel the angst crawling up my chest. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. No one gets out.”
I mean, seriously. Is the cell fucking cursed or something? AmIcursed??
Why does this keep happening to me? How come every time I get a new cellmate, they wind up desperate to leave? Is it me?? Am I driving these people away?
Why would everyone rather risk death than just stay with me in my cold, quiet little cell…?
I must be a real fucking loser…
My insecurities are raging like a storm as Dash shoots up and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “Iam. I’m getting out, Luth. And you need to come.”
