Page 149 of Fragments
“Yea?” I scoff. “I only have minutes to talk to you for the first time in weeks and all you have to say isyea??”
“I’m sorry, baby. I just feel awful.” He pauses to shake his head, sadness and longing coming off him in waves. “It’s all my fault. I was acting too cocky about our relationship. I got sent to solitary for defending you…”
“So what?? I hardly think that matters,” I point out. “Look at all the fucked-up shit that happens here every day. Why is me and you getting close such a problem?”
“I don’t know…” he says quietly. “Don’t you feel like… this might be a sign?”
“Asign??” My hands are shaking, and that somber blue gaze is ripping me in half.
“You’re too good for me, Lex. I mean, we’ve always known it, but this proves it even more. I’m fucking shit up for you. What happens if next time they sendyouto solitary? Or the East! I wouldn’t be able to handle it, baby…”
“Where is this all coming from…?” I gasp, my heart sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of torment in my gut.
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head, like there are too many thoughts bunching up in there. “I’m so lost right now… It doesn’t feel right when I can’t hold you and be with you all the time.”
I gulp, hating the way this stupid conversation is progressing.Despisinghow obviously fragile this thing between us is, if all it takes is a few days of separation for the bubble to burst. I feel like an idiot all of a sudden for being so happy before…
Nothing good here ever lasts.
“Okay, well… we’ll just hold out,” I tell him softly, and his eyes spring to mine. “They can’t keep us apart forever, right? I’m sure it will all blow over, and they’ll put us back into the same group again.”
“Yea, maybe…” he mumbles, chewing on his lip some more.
I’m losing him…
Brushing his fingers with mine, I seal myself to the bars, wishing like hell they’d just disappear. “Do you… not want this anymore?”
His face sweeps up in startled, panicked confusion. “What??Of course I do. Lex, you’re theonlything I want. You make everything so good, baby.”
Relief washes over me, and I take in a deep breath.
“Maybe… I mean, thereisanother way we could see each other again,” he whispers. My muscles tense as his fingers sweep along mine. “I know it’s not ideal… and it might make you sad, but if I could just bribe the guards again…”
“Ren,” I whimper, shaking my head. “No. You said you were gonna try…”
“I know, but if it’s the only way—”
“It’s not!” I bark. He swallows. “It’s not.”
He’s just staring at me, and I’m glaring at him, trying to get him to focus on what I’m saying. He doesn’t need to sell himself for us to be together. Irefuseto let that be the way this happens.
“Tell me you understand what I’m saying, Ren…” I plead with him through my eyes.
Eventually, he puffs out a tired breath and nods. “Yea, I understand. I’m sorry, baby… I just miss you, ya know?”
“I know.”
“35! Get a move on,” Joy calls for me, and I kiss Ren’s knuckles through the bars.
“We’ll figure this out,” I tell him, as confidently as I can manage.
He nods while I wander off, our eyes holding one another until they absolutely have to let go, speaking words without words.
I know I should tell him… I shouldsay it,right now.
That I love him, because I think I really do.
But I don’t say it. I’m scared, and I hate that I am.
