Page 151 of Fragments
He just keeps giving me that look… the one that says,I’m sorry, but you knew this would happen.
Like it’smyfault.
LikeI’mthe idiot for even thinking he could change, or be someone other than a lying fucking whore, because that’swho he is.
And honestly, he’s probably right.
I really must bethatfuckingstupid.
Choking back uncontrollable sobs and this morning’s breakfast, Ifinallyget my legs to work, and I spin out of the room, jogging asfastand asfaraway as I can before someone stops me. But even though I’ve left the scene, it’s still all I can see.
It’s been burned permanently into my brain…
Ren’s body… belonging toeveryonebut me.
The sounds of it are drowned out, though. By my heart pounding in my skull. It’s so loud that I don’t actually hear the guards yelling at me as I run right past them. I barely even notice them until their arms wrap around my waist and they lift me off the ground while I kick and fight against their hold.
“Let me go!” I wail, pressure clawing to burst from my eyes.
I don’t want to cry in front of these assholes. I don’t want to cryat all, but I feel like it’s about to happen and I just need to get back to my cell.
I refuse to cry over him… I will not break down in public like someone who just caught their boyfriend cheating, because he’s not my boyfriend, he’s just a beautiful, lying fucking slut I believed in when I shouldn’t have.
I’m too rational for this… I don’t need to feel this way.
Let me go so I can… prove how… little this… hurts.
“Calm down, 35,” someone—maybe Peters—growls. “Or you’re gonna end up in the East.”
“P-please…” I beg, holding it in with all my might. “Just t-take me b-back…”
“Let’s just throw him in the hole to cool off,” the new guy, Linetti, grumbles.
“Hang on a minute.” Joy pops up out of nowhere. I didn’t even see her before. I can barely see her now; everything is so blurry. “Put him down.”
“But he just tried to run—”
“Was that a request??” she barks. “No. It was an order. Put him the fuck down,now.”
The other guards reluctantly set me down, and I’m wheezing, out of breath from struggling against my emotions more than the giant dudes who were just holding me in the air.
“Come on,” Joy murmurs, grabbing my arm. I flinch, aiming a devastated glare at her.
She doesn’t say anything else. Just wanders away. But after a few seconds, I follow her, because I just need to get away from the goddamn showers before I lose my shit even more.
Joy walks for a while, and at first, I think she’s bringing me back to my cell. But then we arrive at the cafeteria, and I give her a confused look.
“What are we doing here?” I mumble, already grateful as hell for the distraction, though it’s not working to erase the images in my head as much as I wish it were.
I can’t believe he did that to me…
I rub my eyes painfully hard.
I mean, Icanbelieve it. But fuck, it still hurts.
It hurts so damn bad, and I hate myself for it.
“Over here.” Joy nods, waltzing to the chow line.
