Page 170 of Fragments
Jesus, I had no idea it was that bad.
“I’m sorry…” I mumble, not knowing what else to say.
“And who do you think is taking all the brunt of this shit?” His jaw strains visibly, a mix of wrath and torment lighting up the mossy green in his eyes.
Velle.
“Rook, listen. I understand the risks, but thisisvery important. Velle and Ren made some kind of deal so I could keep my stuff, and I need to talk to Ren about it before anything… happens.”
Raising my brows, I’m hoping to get my point across without having to say the words.You probably don’t want Velle hooking up with Ren either.
Rook’s forehead lines. His lips part like he wants to ask a bunch of questions. But instead, he just grabs me by the arm, quickly dragging me out into the row. His eyes fling to the camera while we walk, but he doesn’t stop until we’re at the end of the corridor in front of Ren’s cell.
I can see him through the bars, picking up the remains of his stuff that Velle tossed everywhere. He glances up as Rook is opening the door and pushing me inside, his eyes round with obvious surprise.
“Work this shit out. I’ll be back,” Rook mutters, leaving with the clunk of metal.
“Hey,” I address Ren on a tired breath, rubbing my eyes. “Sorry to just burst in here like this…”
He’s gawking at me, like he never expected this in a million years. Historically, he’s the one who comes to me.
“Velle just came by,” I go on, watching his face. “He let me keep my stuff…”
Ren nods, Adam’s apple dipping in his throat. “Good.”
“Is it??” I hiss, stepping closer. “What did you have to do to make that happen, Ren? Anddon’tfucking lie to me. If you lie about this, I swear on my life, our friendship isover—”
“Nothing,” he answers fast, head shaking back and forth. “I haven’t done anything… yet.” My jaw ticks and I scoff. But Ren grabs my shoulders. “I’m not going to do anything, Lex. Velle doesn’t want that, and neither do I…”
“Thenhow?” I snap. “He said you made a promise, and we all know what that means from you…”
“I swear, it’s not that,” he insists, forehead lined and blue eyes sparkling sincerity Isobadly want to believe. “I’m trading him information. I found out some things I’m sure Velle doesn’t know, and I figured if it could help you keep your stuff, then…”
I stare at him for a moment, my heart thumping rapidly in my chest from the adrenaline of all this. Everything that’s happened over the last few weeks has filled me to the brim withtoo manyemotions. I feel like I could explode.
“So you decided to swoop in and save the day?Ren to the rescue, like I can’t take care of anything for myself…” I scrub a palm over my scalp. “You don’t always need tosaveme. We’re notboyfriends, Ren. I’m not your fucking responsibility!”
His brows furrow. “I know you’re not. You’ve never needed me… But I fuckingwantyou to.” His fingers slide up my neck, and my eyes fall shut because it still feels toogood. I’m so confused and wound so tight, I’m seconds from snapping. “I just want you to see this again, Lexington… Me and you. We’re the only thing in this place that’s ever been good.”
Frustration weaves into my muscles and I grab his hand hard, cutting off his treasuring touch. “That’s just it, though… We’renotgood. It feels good, yes, but together we’re like ammonia and bleach. We’re fuckingtoxic. Why can’t you just let me fucking go?!”
“I can’t…” he whispers.
“Why not??” I growl.
“Because I fucking love you!” he shouts in my face, and I falter. “I’ve loved you since the second I saw you, and I don’tunderstandit! I don’t want to feel this shit… This twisted up ball of need in my chest like fuckingdisease. I don’t even know if it reallyislove, that’s how fucked up I am. I never knew what this felt like… until you.”
He stops to breathe while my mind races.
I didn’t know either…
Is this it??
I thought love was supposed to be all shiny and vibrant, warm and freeing andgood. Not painful and full of anguish, second-guessing and insecurity.
If this is really love, then love sucks balls.
Ren eases our chests together. My eyes are holding his steady, but the rest of me is shaking.
