Page 192 of Fragments
“What kinds ofstuff, Ren?” Lex sits back in his chair, head slanting as he awaits my response.
“I can’t tell you that,” I mumble.
“Why not?” he hisses, gaze narrowed.
“Because.”
“Becausewhy?”
“Because it’s… personal.” I chuckle to ease the tension, but they’re both looking so serious. “What’s the problem? Am I in trouble?”
“You tell me, Ren,” Lex grunts. “You disappear for almost an hour with Velle… The two of you walk in here looking all chummy…”
My forehead lines. “We weren’t lookingchummy…”
“Where did you go? What did youdo?” he breathes angrily. “I mean, if you can’t even answer these simple fucking questions, then—”
“What do you think happened??” I bark quietly. “We fucked real quick? I sucked him off in the hallway for no reason?? Seriously, what would be the point—”
“There is nopointwith you, that’s the problem!” he seethes. “There’s no fucking rhyme or reason to it; you just do these things, and I need to know if that’s happening now. I think I deserve to know, Ren. So I can… So I don’t…” His stammering dissolves into a tired growl, and he rubs his eyes. “I just need toknow. No bullshit…”
All of the delight I was feeling a moment ago is completely gone. I feel sick to my stomach, like I drank rotten milk.
This is always going to be the problem, isn’t it? He’s never going to trust me, even when I’m not doing anything. And I don’t blame him one bit, because if I was in his position, I’d be freaking out too. Probably a lot worse, since we all know I’m a fucking drama queen with a short fuse.
But Lex isn’t like that. He’s calm and collected, and sweet…Forgiving. But he’s not made of metal, and obviously he doesn’t know how to deal with these feelings either.
We fucked. That line has officially been crossed. And because of that, I’ve been doing my absolute best to stuff down my irrational impulses, fighting to be what I know he needs.
But he doesn’tknowthat. And I’m afraid that if I tell him,thenfail, it’ll ultimately gob-smack him in the heart again, even worse than last time.
Here’s the thing not many people know… When everyone projects their negative images of you all the time, it makes it damn near impossible to see yourself as anything else.
Lexington expects me to fuck up again. They all do…
So maybe I should just save them the trouble and be the bad guy…
Whether I want to be or not.
“Lex,” I rumble, shoving down my every urge to lash out and scream. The desire to inflict pain on myself right now is so strong I’m shaking a little. “I didn’t fuck Velle. Ididn’t… you can ask him.”
He blinks at me. “Like he would admit it…”
“You know he would. He doesn’t give a fuck,” I tell him with certainty, and his eyes soften a bit. “He’s with Rook and Joy now. It’s serious… He told me that.”
“He actually saidit’s serious?” Byron cuts in, disbelief all up in his tone.
“Not in so many words.” I glare at him. “But he told me about how they all left together… They’re a thing. The three of them. Like a throuple.”
Lex nods, chewing on his lip for a moment in silence. “Okay.”
“Do you believe me?” I ask, overflowing with hopefulness.
“I want to,” he whispers.
I nod. I guess that has to be enough…It’s all I’m going to get right now.
We’re quiet for a bit, just sitting, picking at our food until Velle, Rook and Joy start gathering us up to head back. I totally see it now… The three of them. It makes sense.
