Page 196 of Fragments
Byron is out there too, shaking his head. Hancock is sort of glaring at Jasper like he’s pissed off about something, but I can’t even worry about any of that.
All I care about is Lexington, and the purely devastated look on his beautiful face.
“Wait. It’s not what it looks like.” My pulse is popping even more rapidly now, ribcage crushing my lungs as I struggle to breathe. I rush to Lex, grabbing him by the arm, but he yanks it away angrily.
“No??’Cause it looks pretty fucking straightforward to me, Ren,” he snaps while I flutter nervously before him.
Yea, mhm. He’s not wrong. It looks real bad.
Here’s me, all flushed and flustered, and shirtless, with the big guard I’ve been known to spread my legs for, in my cell with his pants open. It looks likeexactlywhat’s been going on in here for years at this point, and that’s the problem.
My fucking reputation proceeds me… How can I expect him to ever believe me when this is all he’s known of me since pretty much the moment we met?
How could he ever believe the truths of a liar?
“We weren’t doing anything, Lex, Iswear!” I gasp, stumbling after him as he tries to get away from me. “Jake, tell him nothing happened!”
Jasper’s not even paying attention. He’s too busy watching Hancock silently seethe at him. I never noticed it before, but I’m sensing some tension there. And my chest caves in even deeper.
Okay, not only am I ruining Lex’s life, but now I’m also coming between these two. This just gets better and better.
I know it wasn’t all my fault. Jasper came on tome, and for the first time ever, I actually did the right thing and turned him down.
But it doesn’t matter. Because no one’s going to believe me.
You should’ve just let him fuck you.
You’re fighting a battle that’s already been lost.
“Lexington,wait.” I jump in front of him one last time, cupping his face in my hands, not ready to give up. “Just listen to me, okay?? I saidno. I stopped it. We didn’tdoanything, you’ve gotta believe me.”
My palms are sweaty, fingers shaking, lips trembling. I can see it in his eyes…
He thinks I’m lying. Because Ilooklike I’m fucking lying….
But I’m not! I swear to God, I’m not!
“You’re a disease, Ren.” Lex shakes his head, the rage slipping away into hopeless disappointment.
It’s so much worse than the anger.
At least when he’s pissed, it means he still cares. But now, he’s gone despondent on me. He’s numb, and I can feel it; crushing me down like a hundred pounds on my shoulders.
“It’s my fault,” he whispers. “Seriously, there’s no one here to blame but me.” He covers my hands with his, pushing them off his face. “This is who you are.”
My black, shriveled up heart, the one that’s been slowly fighting to pump back to life, sinks; plummets, like a hunk of cement in deep water. Pressure builds behind my eyes, bringing a diesel throb to my temples so fast and harsh, I suddenly can’t see.
My vision blurs, shivers of anguish racking my limbs as Lex brushes past me, following the rest of the group out of the row.
Byron stomps after them, scoffing on his way out. “You’re about as good a liar as you are a friend…”
My feet are weighted to the floor, that pain I’ve caused filling every crevice of my insides.
They just left me here,alone, surrounded by crumbling concrete. The cracked gray walls are closing in on me as I struggle to breathe, the sudden silence in these halls growing louder and louder until I have to cover my head with my arms to get it to stop.
This is who you are…
It is. They’re right, all of them.
